Shut Da’ Fuck Up?
Having been brought up in older times far from today, I can recall being taught to “only speak when spoken to.” Then there was, “some things are best left unsaid, there is a time and place for everything and the most known today, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.”
Who started this shit anyways? Now, I consider myself respectful, but c’mon on now, really? You mean to tell me that if someone is speaking to me in a way I consider to be disrespectful, I shouldn’t say anything until the moment they are done. By which, I may not even feel worthy to speak against. Yes, contradiction intervenes. In a prior post, I mentioned briefly on allowing others to finish speaking before interjecting or responding. Yes, this is part of my learning to communicate effectively; however like most situations in life, there is a very fine line that distinguishes one thing from another.
This lesson expands communication. I am a talker, a motor-mouth and a dramatic speaker. These are a few of the labels, I was groomed to wear. Why? Because this is what I recall others saying about me. Others constantly labeling me, not realizing the harm or benefit it may cause.
Balance is crucial. I even remember the moment; I lost my confidence in what I would say. It was a highly, debatable topic. (No need to specify) The conversation was intense. It was conversation among family members. We were close and talked all the time about life and the diverse situations we found ourselves in. Anyhow, as I was making my point, being as long winded as I am when speaking, one of my older (than me) fellow conversationalists shouted out, “She contradicted herself, oh my goodness she contradicted herself.” Now pardon me for a moment, as I go back to my pre-learned phase, I briefly thought to myself how, how did I contradict myself? I know what I’m talking about here. Shit, the conversation was about a situation I was in. Here’s the thing, I didn’t really understand what the word contradiction meant, I only thought of it as a negative word, indicating a person not knowing what they were talking about. At the time, I interpreted the word to be in the same class as lying. No way was I necessarily lying, maybe I just had mixed feelings; no way was I trying to contradict myself. I was simply presenting my case and responding in accordance to the responses I received. In life, there a little this and a little that. Different responses, different perspectives/opinions, different beliefs/morals. It was a great talk; however, it made me feel a way. A way that stuck to me like glue, I never said it stopped me from talking but I definitely didn’t speak up for myself in relevance to future matters. When I found out the true meaning of contradiction, (long after that conversation) I realized it was okay. I presented my perspective at that time. The point isn’t whether or not I contradicted myself; what matters is I need to choose my words carefully when speaking with others.I didn’t take the time to listen to them nor myself. I just spoke.
First of all, I feel there is a difference in speaking with and speaking to others. Listening is important. Speaking with gives you more time to listen; while speaking to doesn’t allow much listening time, therefore, feedback is pretty useful at times. (Sometimes not so much)
So, in this particular lesson, I’ve learned when and when not to shut ‘da fuck up. We must be careful when it comes to our communication with others and ourselves. I understand how life can seem so overwhelming; too much shit to beware of, too much (negative) shit not to worry about. No one wants to walk around paranoid, rite? It may be a bit annoying to always see the sunny side (positivity) in everything.
Reflecting back to that particular conversation, (minus specific details) has allowed me to gain a sense of confidence in what I say and when I say it. Maybe they knew what the meaning of the word? Maybe not. Did they just have to be right just because they were older? Maybe not. Did I overreact? Maybe. There is no way of knowing any of that before hand. It’s like that with lots of circumstances in my life. I just don’t know. (Another lesson of not knowing everything)
I do know, the more I continue to learn, the more confidence I am regaining in regards to speaking with people. The more I am learning just when to shut up, I am learning that listening can be the most important part of a conversation. It has allowed me to gain an understanding of the different perspectives we have in the world. I wonder how much we as a society could accomplish towards better days if we just learn effective (non-violent) ways of communicating. Modern day style.
For one, we all can learn a thing or two from each other even if it turns out not fully understanding. Asking questions can sometimes aid in gaining a clearer understanding. Not all of us learn on the same level or in the same capacity. I have learned to take responsibility for my own part in what I am learning. Some of you may agree that we learn things from each other all the time, everyday, (Youtubers, social media pros, television blogging, books, etc.) on a variety of levels. Again, there is a redundancy going on here. On purpose, I have to keep telling myself things of a positive nature just to gain a balance. I can only speak for myself in saying, my life has indeed been filled with many situations, others may or may not have agreed with or understood. It’s life you guys, learning and learning to listen and sometimes staying away from what some may be teaching. My life lesson #5 I am learning to just shut da’ fuck up, but I also am learning there may be times when I should speak up. Sub-lesson to all, just recently learned. Maybe my sharing isn’t meant to help anyone at all. Could it be just helping me? Maybe.
I am just sharing. Sharing just because.
Thanks for visiting! This will conclude the lessons I’ve learned thus far. Look out for my E-Book which will include lessons shared by others too. I’m excited to be including other perspectives on this project. #Time2WakeUp