How to Set Healthy Boundaries

I found this one to be so informative for anyone looking for ways to improve themselves while battling their issues. Thanks to one of our fellow bloggers for sharing this.

MakeItUltra™

boundaries.jpgMakeItUltra™ Founder: Eric C., MA., PhD Candidate (USA)

Website: MotivateInspireUplift.com


“I encourage people to remember that “No” is a complete sentence.” ~ Gavin de Becker

1. Identify current boundary crossers
The first step in setting healthy boundaries is identifying who it is that is the boundary crosser. How does this person make you feel? Most likely, telling this person how you feel will get you no where. They may even get satisfaction from hearing your plea. Remember, it is not uncommon for boundary crossers to be very purposeful in their boundary crossing behavior. This means they often know that they are doing it! If you feel taken advantage of, oppressed or bullied, it is important to make the conscious decision to change how you are interacting with them. Keep in mind, none of this will happen overnight. But, it definitely won’t happen unless you decide with the utmost conviction that something needs to change.

2. Consider how your past influences…

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A Weekend Holiday Party. Hosted by the Mayor.

The changing of my song includes lightening up the mood a bit. Thought I’d share these beautiful pics posted by one of our fellow bloggers.

TINY LESSONS BLOG

This past weekend was a bit winter-like. Cool winds from the north, bright sunshine and then yesterday a bit warmer and cloudier with a few sprinkles. I was invited to a lively holiday party at the salt marsh. Two days of guests mingling happily in anticipation of the holidays. Residents hosting visitors who seemed happy to have escaped the real cold up north.

dozen-wood-storks-ud94And there were early signs of romance brewing in the bird community. Many couples, breeding plumages growing…and a few loud comments exchanged between suitors in some quarters.

The Reddish Egret was entertaining. Perhaps he was also trying to impress on his girlfriend, who had taken possession of the Mayor’s office. She was well put together and watched the Clown’s performance intently.

the-other-reddish-egret-ud94reddish-egret-shaking-off-water-ud94And Miss Rosa was, of course, the object of everyone’s admiration. Including mine. I first spotted her hanging out with the big boys.

roseate-spoonbill-with-wood-storks-ud94Then she flew to a pond where she…

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Changing My Song

Hey guys, today I decided to try something a little different. Is there anyone else out there sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tired of singing the same old sad song? Seeking a better way to lighten the mental load of despair? Lord knows I fall under this category of questions. Well, let’s see if I can manage to sing a different tune.

Today I am thankful; thankful to recognize all the rights to some of my wrongs. Although I am still a work in progress, I have come a long way. I am thankful for that. As we are closing out the year 2016, I would like to highlight a few things that will hopefully make my 2017 a bit more tolerable.

My spirit of belief has grown tremendously. I had a hard time believing in myself, believing that I could do the impossibles that existed in my world of reality. I’ve learned this year that the world I created to be my reality had been isolated from the world of others I share the universe with. I had to learn that there was so much more to look to than what I had became accustomed to knowing. A world of dreams, goals and aspirations. I now realize how I have been so selfish to my potential self by not believing there was a world bigger than my own.

My mental health still suffers from my own ignorance. I chose to think I had the mental capacity to guide my footsteps in life. The thought that I can ignore medication therapy and all will be well. The thought that I could ignore the need of psychotherapy and all will be well. The thought that if I can just accept the fact that I share my being with a diagnosis of BiPolar Depression, all would be well. Bullshit rite? It takes more than just my thoughts of or acceptance of for all to be well; for me to be well. I am thankful that despite my moments of weakness, I haven’t attempted to take my own life. 

My physical abilities have declined significantly during this past year. I am now convinced that the use of a wheelchair is in my best interest. My doctors have previous certified me wheelchair approved but it took a while for that to digest. I continued to struggle to walk and have had a few falls along the way. I am now in acceptance to using a wheelchair to get around. I have installed a shower transfer bench to ensure I not fall in the shower anymore. Major safety issue. One of those thankfuls I’d like to express. I am thankful that despite my own ignorant negligence, I have escaped major injury from numerous shower falls. 

This neuropathy thing is probably the most disturbing circumstance of all. It was one thing to get used to the fucked up feeling of a continuing numbness and painful ordeal taking place in my lower legs and feet but now my hands are suffering as well. I no longer have feeling in my fingertips and my fingers themselves feel as if they are jammed in a door sometimes. Pain in my hands and fingers are now included on my long list of all that’s wrong in my life. But as I mentioned earlier this post will not focus on the wrongs but clearly I had to lay some of them out just to get the point across. Surely enough to emphasize how I am thankful to it all. 

My personal life, well let’s just say it gets a little lonely being alone. I know it was my own choice to not date and block out any thoughts of intimacy but gee whiz. I must admit my past relationships have been quite interesting and when I reflect back after having adjusted my perception, boy o boy, what was I thinking? How did my mates last as long as they did? I was a piece of work, yup, a load to deal with. We had our great moments sure but uh, yea, I guess I don’t blame them for not fighting me on separating. I have learned to live this thing alone, on my own with the help of getting through it from family especially my daughter. She has been exceptionally supportive and will always remain my biggest motivator. I am thankful to have such a wonderful daughter.

Without turning this into a short story. Funny, coming from a person who these days are becoming known as an author; which brings me to the publishing of my 1st book titled, The Triumph In Me, during this year. Still in awe about that whole situation, I must mention it. I am again still learning to accept that God had placed certain gifts in me as he did for all of us. I didn’t believe in myself enough to know that I was inclusive in such blessings. But yes, I am blessed and oh so thankful for being made aware of my gifts, one which happens to be that of writing. It may even be considered quite remarkable how such an individual going through all these mental and physical changes managed to push out a BOOK. Maybe to some it may not be so remarkable but here’s the gist to that, the whole point of it all. You ready? Well it really doesn’t MATTER what others think of or view of the idea; as long as I know what I’ve been through, still going through and what it took to accomplish such a deed. An effort to find my purpose and pursue it. A lesson I learned while writing; I do have a purpose in my life and lives of others. I am a survivor, who chooses to share personal experiences in an effort to help others like me realize their potential. I am thankful for finally believing in ME.

That’s all for now! Stay tuned for my next post where I’m thinking of pointing out some of the contradictions in life I’ve noticed thus far on my journey to self-discovery.

As always thank you for visiting me and if you have something to say; please comment below.

I appreciate your time.

 

 

 

Another Day Still Fighting

Hey guys!  Today is another one of those days on the battlefield, the battlefield of LIFE.

It’s no secret that I have decided to share the intimate details of my journey. I have admitted to struggling with the stability of my mental health as well as the decline in my physical abilities due to Peripheral Neuropathy otherwise known as nerve damage.

As I have been trying to take positive approaches towards bettering my life and gaining a confidence in the changes taking place, it has been extremely difficult fighting against the evils of giving up. I wish there were an easy way to transform oneself but the reality is there isn’t. My reality may be familiar or similar to many others and I try to connect with people to communicate helpful conversation. A conversation of hope but it doesn’t seem to be working.

So I shall continue to write. I will write what my heart chooses to say.

Tonight I am hurting. I am frustrated by the fact that my neuropathy is progressing faster than my mental can process it. I try to live by my message of optimism and never to give up but I am human. I am weakening. I ask God for the strength and endurance to get through my storms. I will write in hopes of relief. My words may or may not make much sense at times. The shitty thing about it all is that life at times doesn’t make much sense. Is there anyone out there who feel the same? Is there anyone out there who falls into the pit of darkness? I find myself begging for just a flicker of light in my darkness. I know it gets better but I just wish my better moments were more consistent. Is it okay to just sit in sorrow sometimes? The fight gets exhausting. People tell me all the time to keep fighting but sometimes I just rather not. I guess this is normal. What does that even mean? Normal? There is nothing normal about hating yourself one minute and trying to not the next. Oh yea, could that be the BiPolar in me? Maybe.

My next post will most likely be different than this one. Or not!

If you feel like saying something, please do. You MATTER!

 

Reviews? New Book Cover

Hey guys, just wanted to pop in and share my new book cover for the next book I am working on.

Also for any of you who have taken the time and dime to check out THE TRIUMPH IN ME I would love your feedback. All reviews are an important part of a writer’s process. I appreciate it so much!

Coming Soon ~ THE TRIUMPH IN HER ~ Parable of Destiny

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Sharing my TRIUMPH

Hey guys, I have decided to share this piece which was written just a short time ago and published on a fellow blog. Feel free to share your found TRIUMPHS! We all have them within us and I bet you do too.

When life has you feeling defeated; What do you do?

My name is Kashinda and becoming disabled, I never imagined having to adjust my life for anything other than my daughter.  My entire adult life has always been about parenting. I raised my daughter, Asia now age 21 years old, as a single mother and for many others like us, it has been quite the journey. I’m sure many would agree that life is unpredictable and there are many challenges, obstacles that we never expect to take place. As the saying goes, “Never say never.”

We as parents must learn to adapt to any situation placed before us despite our knowledge thereof, we strive to protect our young.

I have always had to adapt. I went from being a hard working single mom to a vulnerable, sickly woman. My daughter witnessed a decline in her mother’s health that resulted in a drastic change in our lives’.

A benign, yet aggressive brain tumor shook our world. Before its finding, I experienced many disabling physical and mental changes. I was grateful when the tumor was finally detected after two years of medical mystery. I was bed ridden, my days were spent in an intolerable amount of bodily pain and my nights were spent in tears wondering why. I underwent four brain surgeries to get that tumor nipped in the bud. Each time was just as traumatic as the first.

Nevertheless, I feel blessed to have been able to overcome such life altering circumstances. I am here today to share some of my life experiences in hopes to inspire someone who may also feel like they were cheated by some unexpected obstacle that has left them stuck, only hanging on by a thread; that thread is the “WHY?”

But I’m here to let you know you can reclaim your life with what you have, regardless of what it is. If you are blessed to witness a new day on earth, then you already have within you what it takes to live on. We must learn to not focus on what we don’t have and focus on using what we do have to get what we want. There is of course a fine line to that motto. Be careful to keep it on a positive note.

We must understand that our way of thinking plays a huge part in how we move and shake in this world. I was taught by the powers that be, that we are all works in progress. Certain lessons in life have led me to the gifts given to me like creativity, leadership and the gift of gab. I took these things that were free and I am now my daughter’s talent manager, an author of my debut novel entitled, The Triumph In Me and business co-owner of 4Lane Publications.

Tread lightly while leaving strong footprints. It is our stories of life we are creating each and every day. Learn to turn your troubles into triumphs.

Kashinda T. Marche

 

Dear Self,

Have you ever gotten so down that you just had to have a talk with yourself?

I speak to God all the time but this was a talk I had with myself. To put things back into perspective. To remind myself of who I am.

Dear Self,

I know its been some time since we’ve had a one on one chat with one another and it seems like we are way overdue. First of all I want you to know how extremely proud I am of you. I can see you’re wearing thin. I can see the imminence of discouragement making its way to your face. Even myself and many others fight hard to remain positive in what seems to be impossible situations to get through. But I know that you know just how awesome God is at times like that.

Self, you must hold on to the very faith that brought you through the most challenging times in our life. Trust me I was there with you, remember?

Now being as though you have stepped out on that faith and began this new venture of writing, you are feeling tested yet again. Many are telling you that God had placed this gift within you since the beginning of your existence; that he took us through serious stuff just to prove to you now that this is your calling. Many are saying that you should be sharing our experiences with others and showing those who may need to hear that they too can beat the odds they feel are against them.

Self, keep in mind and stand strong in believing that you and I have conquered issues that most wouldn’t even understand. You are a warrior and don’t you ever doubt nor forget it.

Self, take a moment to think about the life you have lived and it will show you the life you are now living and the life’s possibilities of your future. You have raised an amazing daughter with next to little support. You have worked many different jobs on all levels to maintain an independent lifestyle. You have extended help to others in need. You have endured life threatening health conditions and you are still pushing beyond measure. I must say I am moved by your drive, your determination. God has not led you wrong thus far; although sometimes we feel differently.

You have now decided to step out as a writer. Never considering yourself a writer in the past; you somehow was able to create one heck of a story that contains so many life lessons many can relate to. You chose to speak on subject matter that takes enormous courage to discuss. You will reach many who may need a little uplifting in their life. I know you feel the process has exhausted you both physically and mentally but the same one who has made the entire accomplishment possible will be the same one who will strengthen you through it. Blessings have and will continue to fall upon your life. I know first hand self that your heart is in the right place. Your needs will be met. You will get that motorized wheelchair you so desperately need. You will get that bath chair lift you daydream about. A nice warm bubble bath sure does sound good to me too. You will get to go on a luxury vacation one of these days. Keep praying. Keep promoting your anointed work. Keep your head up in a positive manner.

I love you self! I admire you self! I am so proud to be a part of you!

I hope this little chat has done you some good. I feel better and am glad you chose to express your feelings with me. I am you! You are me! We are self!

 

 

 

 

 

The Start of a Journey in Publishing — Morgan York Writes

Thought I’d share this piece. Pretty good stuff, rite?

Wow, okay, so a LOT has happened since my post about moving back to New York. And, amazingly, all of it has been good. If you’ve been following me on social media, you’re probably up-to-date on what’s happened with me. A little over a month later, I have two publishing credentials under my belt, a […]

via The Start of a Journey in Publishing — Morgan York Writes

DJ Olivia Dope Uses Music and Visuals as her Protest to Police Brutality

Creatives doing what they do best and much more. #Create

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Dj Olivia Dope uses her art of sound and visuals to protest police brutality.

In a choreographed dance video the Harlem, NY based dj dances to Janet Jackson’s “The Pleasure Principle”. As Olivia dances you will notice flashes of Eric Garner, Terence Crutcher and the countless number of other black Americans killed on film at the hands of police pop up on the screen throughout the video.

Initially while watching the video one may be a little confused of the intent but after a few seconds the message starts to become transparent. Olivia said one of her reasons for making this video was to celebrate the greatness of black culture.

“I just want to be another bright light for a dim period to be Black in America. I want to celebrate how great we are day in and day out regardless of the devastating pains we endure throughout our lives. The…

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Disabled and still Dreaming! A Story of Turning your Troubles into Triumphs

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When life has you feeling defeated; What do you do?
My name is Kashinda and becoming disabled, I never imagined having to adjust my life for anything other than my daughter.  My entire adult life has always been about parenting. I raised my daughter, Asia now age 21 years old, as a single mother and for many others like us, it has been quite the journey. I’m sure many would agree that life is unpredictable and there are many challenges, obstacles that we will never expect will take place. As the saying goes, “Never say never.”
We as parents must learn to adapt to any situation placed before us despite our knowledge there of, we strive to protect our young.

I have always had to adapt. I went from being a hard working single mom to a vulnerable, sickly woman. My daughter witnessed a decline in her mother’s health that…

View original post 352 more words

Continued from The Triumph Within Tharisse