Tag Archives: creative writing

Life Lesson Learning #5

 

Shut Da’ Fuck Up?

Having been brought up in older times far from today, I can recall being taught to “only speak when spoken to.” Then there was, “some things are best left unsaid, there is a time and place for everything and the most known today, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.”
Who started this shit anyways? Now, I consider myself respectful, but c’mon on now, really? You mean to tell me that if someone is speaking to me in a way I consider to be disrespectful, I shouldn’t say anything until the moment they are done. By which time, I may not even feel worthy enough to speak against them. Yes, contradiction intervenes. In a prior post, I mentioned briefly on allowing others to finish speaking before interjecting or responding. Yes, this is part of my learning to communicate effectively; however like most situations in life, there is a very fine line that distinguishes one thing from another.
This lesson expands communication. I am a talker, a motor-mouth and a dramatic speaker. These are a few of the labels, I was groomed to wear. Why? Because this is what I recall others saying about me. Others constantly labeling me, not realizing the harm or benefit it may cause.

Balance is crucial. I even remember the moment; I lost my confidence in what I had to say. It was a highly, debatable topic. (No need to specify) The conversation was intense. It was conversation among family members. We were close and talked all the time about life and the diverse situations we found ourselves in. Anyhow, as I was making my point, being as long winded as I am when speaking, one of my older (than me) fellow conversationalists shouted out, “She contradicted herself, oh my goodness she contradicted herself.” Now pardon me for a moment, as I go back to my pre-learned phase, I briefly thought to myself how, how did I contradict myself? I know what I’m talking about here. Shit, the conversation was about a situation I was in. Here’s the thing, I didn’t really understand what the word contradiction meant, I only thought of it as a negative word, indicating a person not knowing what they were talking about. At the time, I interpreted the word to be in the same class as lying. No way was I necessarily lying, maybe I just had mixed feelings; no way was I trying to contradict myself. I was simply presenting my case and responding in accordance to the responses I received. In life, there a little this and a little that. Different responses, different perspectives/opinions, different beliefs/morals. It was a great talk; however, it made me feel a way. A way that stuck to me like glue, I never said it stopped me from talking but I definitely didn’t speak up for myself in relevance to future matters. When I found out the true meaning of contradiction, (long after that conversation) I realized it was okay. I presented my perspective at that time. The point isn’t whether or not I contradicted myself; what matters is I need to choose my words carefully when speaking with others. I didn’t take the time to listen to them nor myself. I just spoke.

First of all, I feel there is a difference in speaking with and speaking to others. Listening is important. Speaking with gives you more time to listen; while speaking to doesn’t allow much listening time, therefore, feedback is pretty useful at times. (Sometimes not so much)

So, in this particular lesson, I’ve learned when and when not to shut ‘da fuck up. We must be careful when it comes to our communication with others and with ourselves. I understand how life can seem so overwhelming; too much shit to beware of, too much (negative) shit not to worry about. No one wants to walk around paranoid, rite? Also it can be a bit annoying to always see the sunny side (positivity) in everything.

Reflecting back to that particular conversation, which has allowed me to gain a sense of confidence in what I say and when I say it. Maybe they knew what the meaning of the word was? Maybe not. Did they just have to be right just because they were older? Maybe not. Did I overreact? Maybe. There is no way of knowing any of that before hand. It’s like that with lots of circumstances in my life. I just don’t know. (Another lesson of not knowing everything)

What I do know is, the more I continue to learn, the more confidence I am regaining in regards to speaking with people. The more I am learning just when to shut up, I am learning that listening can be the most important part of a conversation. It has also allowed me to gain an understanding of the different perspectives we have in the world. I wonder how much we as a society could accomplish towards better days if we just learn effective (non-violent) ways of communicating. Modern day style.

For one, we all can learn a thing or two from each other. When you are not clear on something, asking questions can sometimes aid in gaining a clearer understanding. Not all of us learn on the same level or in the same capacity. I have learned to take responsibility for my own part in what I am learning. Some of you may agree that we learn things from each other all the time, everyday, (Youtubers, social media pros, television blogging, books, etc.) all on a variety of levels. Again, there is a redundancy going on here. On purpose, I have to keep telling myself things of a positive nature just to gain a balance. I can only speak for myself in saying, my life has indeed been filled with many situations, others may or may not have agreed with or understood. It’s life you guys, learning and learning to listen and sometimes staying away from what some may be teaching. My life lesson #5 I am learning to just shut da’ fuck up, but I also am learning that there may be times when I should speak up. Sub-lesson to all, just recently learned. Maybe my sharing isn’t meant to help anyone at all. Could it be just helping me? Maybe.
I am just sharing. Sharing just because.

Here I share an article from one of my favorite blogs:  The Balance  and a previous post I did about contradicting:  My Own Perspective

Thanks for visiting! This will conclude 5 life lessons I’ve learned thus far. Look out for my E-Book which will include lessons shared by others too. I’m excited to be including other perspectives on this project.  #Time2WakeUp

If you have a valuable life lesson you’d like to share, please do! You will be shocked by the many of perspectives we have in the world. Your voice matters!

Contradictions! Annoying?

Hey guys, hope all is well!

Today I am sharing some of life’s contradictions I have found to be annoying and confusing. As I have decided to share personal experiences with you all, these are my personal opinions. I am in no way judging anyone or anyone’s way of thinking. We are all works in progress, myself included, and so if you find contradiction in anything I post then that is my intended point. Here we go:

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#1  There are so many messages circulating the world about not giving up. “Never give up on your dreams.” “Keep Pushing.”  Well what about the sayings of, “Know when to throw the towel in.” “Enough is Enough.” Oh, and my favorite “Knowing when to walk away is wisdom. Being able to is Courage.”  Now I’m not sure about anyone else but this confusing the hell out of me. As I am trying my damnedest to hold on and keep fighting the good fight. I am trying to pursue a journey of success that I never thought was possible. But because of those sayings of, “If you could Imagine it, You could Achieve it.” “Never give up Dreaming.”  I feel as though I am on a hamster wheel. Chasing my own tail. I have prayed on it and truly believe I am supposed to be doing a good service to others by sharing my personal experiences of beating the odds and overcoming some difficult life challenges. To help others who may be trapped in their darkness. I must admit, this shit is exhausting. I am drained and it doesn’t seem as if anyone care what I must say, let alone is inspired in anyway. So, my question is, do I throw the towel in? It wouldn’t necessarily be due to giving up but more so saving myself from destruction. I am wearing myself out trying to be a voice for those of unheard voices. Are you depressed, newly disabled or just feel like no one sees you, hear you? I don’t think I am the only one who fits the bill but I could always be wrong. I shouldn’t give up just because it seems as if nothing is happening, rite? I never know who is watching and maybe I am here for a reason not yet revealed to me as I thought it was.

#2   Next we have “Never say Never.” Ummmm, if I’m not mistaken, this refers to anything being possible. To never say what you won’t do or won’t say because you may someday find yourself doing it or saying it, rite? Sooooo, if I am never to give up then how in the heck am I supposed to know when to walk away. This is a similar confusion as mentioned in #1. Help me out folks, let’s talk about it. Now don’t get it twisted, I am a believer of all these especially never say never. Example: I NEVER thought I would have written a book and people have actually read it and thought it was pretty damn great. Whoa! Me? Really? YES me, I wrote a fuckin book. A story of both weakness and strength! The Triumph In Me.

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#3   This is recap of a previous post I did on life’s contradictions. Maybe you’d agree or maybe you won’t. It’s okay; that’s what makes us different, rite?

There are no special instructions on how to cope with the extremes of life but there are certain remedies that can lessen the mass affects.

I have found that prayer is the #1 key to my life. I am not about to preach the word however I am a witness to its glory. Life is hard, it’s just that simple but if we learn to utilize some hardcore combat, it can be quite enjoyable too.

Selflessness for starters can take you a long way. The idea of treating others the way you would want to be treated is an important aspect but it tends to get lost within our typical behavior. If you can consider helping another individual, no matter how direct or indirect it may be, without regard to reciprocation, I can assure you, that help will find its way back around in some shape or form. Karma you may call it, that saying of “what goes around comes back around”, yes, I believe in that saying however its plenty of old wise tales that go hand in hand for instance, “you reap what you sow” or how about “every dog has its day”, so keep these old wise tales in mind when making decisions in life.

Selfishness is that behavior that can make or break you in a sense, it is a very fine line not to cross, so be careful. Remember that “God only helps those who help themselves,” they say, but that’s a fine line because he is so merciful that he will be of rescue despite of, however you must know that you have to look out for yourself first before you can expect the next person to follow suit. If you can learn that loving yourself is as worthy as loving another including your children, then life’s perception will be that much more clear to see. Yes, I said love yourself even before your children because a parent that does not love themselves will impact the lives of their children in ways that aren’t always positive and although these impacts are not intentional will not make them nonexistent. Same case for your partner in life be it a spouse or just a significant other, ask yourself “how can you possibly expect to have a healthy relationship when you are not even healthy enough to love yourself?”
Today, we see all kinds of contradictions in our entertainment, politics and education. I am not in the best position to speak on all the details of such, I will leave that to all the other blogs out there that somehow specialize in those areas. I will say though we are blinded by this stuff and easily to forget how our own minds and the resulted behavior of which we live day to day becomes insulting, demeaning and subliminally destructive. We destruct the hope and possibilities of sustaining healthy, fulfilling, enjoyable lives.

Now there may be many to disagree or feel as though without an extended education or have earned a mastering degree, who the hell am I to speak to such manners. Well I am me, and I am living a life in this world we all were born into and so I have earned a degree in “LIFE” and these are my personal opinions and my voice in which I choose not to leave unheard any longer.  I am finally taking ownership and responsibility of myself and who I once was and now have become, we all are a work in progress and must recognize that and learn to appreciate it as well.

Your voice, rightfully given to you. It is the tool in life of which you should want to learn its value if you haven’t already. Respect yourself and others no matter what because once respect is lost anything goes from that point. Just think a minute how you treat those you have no respect for, how you speak to them, how you view them, how they lost their creditability with you. Now imagine you not having respect for yourself and the behaviors others may inflict on you. Not so pretty rite?

As I share my story with you, there will be moments when you will say that I’ve contradicted myself during various times in my life and that my parenting may even seem contradicting as well, but hey that’s the way of the world, life is full of contradictions, so before you pass judgment on me, I suggest you clean your mirror off most importantly and then take a glimpse in it.

As life taught me its lessons and as I learned what faith was, I passed it along to my only born child and as you follow my story, our story, it will become apparent that this bond between mother and child was created in such a way that it is not easily understood by many. God created us and our story before we fleshly existed and so it has come to me that who am I to be “selfish” and not share the power of his glory. This is my “selfless” duty.

When my destiny became visible to me, I always thought my daughter was my reason for existing until I learned and grew as a person. Now I know she is just part of me. Not all of me. I will share my experiences, the lessons taught to me and the impact of such. It is my hopes you find this story not only inspiring but also necessary. It will depict how even when faced with the most challenging obstacles, we must fight like hell and continue. We all have our stories of our lives and it is these stories that make the world what it is…So if we can be mindful of what and how we perceive life to be and follow through with positive mannerism, maybe, just maybe things can be different.williamarthurward110017

If you are one who thinks no one cares or is interested in anything you have to say, I do!

Feel free to leave your comments below. If its worth you sharing then by all means pass it along on your social media. Until we meet again guys! Thank you for visiting!

Changing My Song

Hey guys, today I decided to try something a little different. Is there anyone else out there sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tired of singing the same old sad song? Seeking a better way to lighten the mental load of despair? Lord knows I fall under this category of questions. Well, let’s see if I can manage to sing a different tune.

Today I am thankful; thankful to recognize all the rights to some of my wrongs. Although I am still a work in progress, I have come a long way. I am thankful for that. As we are closing out the year 2016, I would like to highlight a few things that will hopefully make my 2017 a bit more tolerable.

My spirit of belief has grown tremendously. I had a hard time believing in myself, believing that I could do the impossibles that existed in my world of reality. I’ve learned this year that the world I created to be my reality had been isolated from the world of others I share the universe with. I had to learn that there was so much more to look to than what I had became accustomed to knowing. A world of dreams, goals and aspirations. I now realize how I have been so selfish to my potential self by not believing there was a world bigger than my own.

My mental health still suffers from my own ignorance. I chose to think I had the mental capacity to guide my footsteps in life. The thought that I can ignore medication therapy and all will be well. The thought that I could ignore the need of psychotherapy and all will be well. The thought that if I can just accept the fact that I share my being with a diagnosis of BiPolar Depression, all would be well. Bullshit rite? It takes more than just my thoughts of or acceptance of for all to be well; for me to be well. I am thankful that despite my moments of weakness, I haven’t attempted to take my own life. 

My physical abilities have declined significantly during this past year. I am now convinced that the use of a wheelchair is in my best interest. My doctors have previous certified me wheelchair approved but it took a while for that to digest. I continued to struggle to walk and have had a few falls along the way. I am now in acceptance to using a wheelchair to get around. I have installed a shower transfer bench to ensure I not fall in the shower anymore. Major safety issue. One of those thankfuls I’d like to express. I am thankful that despite my own ignorant negligence, I have escaped major injury from numerous shower falls. 

This neuropathy thing is probably the most disturbing circumstance of all. It was one thing to get used to the fucked up feeling of a continuing numbness and painful ordeal taking place in my lower legs and feet but now my hands are suffering as well. I no longer have feeling in my fingertips and my fingers themselves feel as if they are jammed in a door sometimes. Pain in my hands and fingers are now included on my long list of all that’s wrong in my life. But as I mentioned earlier this post will not focus on the wrongs but clearly I had to lay some of them out just to get the point across. Surely enough to emphasize how I am thankful to it all. 

My personal life, well let’s just say it gets a little lonely being alone. I know it was my own choice to not date and block out any thoughts of intimacy but gee whiz. I must admit my past relationships have been quite interesting and when I reflect back after having adjusted my perception, boy o boy, what was I thinking? How did my mates last as long as they did? I was a piece of work, yup, a load to deal with. We had our great moments sure but uh, yea, I guess I don’t blame them for not fighting me on separating. I have learned to live this thing alone, on my own with the help of getting through it from family especially my daughter. She has been exceptionally supportive and will always remain my biggest motivator. I am thankful to have such a wonderful daughter.

Without turning this into a short story. Funny, coming from a person who these days are becoming known as an author; which brings me to the publishing of my 1st book titled, The Triumph In Me, during this year. Still in awe about that whole situation, I must mention it. I am again still learning to accept that God had placed certain gifts in me as he did for all of us. I didn’t believe in myself enough to know that I was inclusive in such blessings. But yes, I am blessed and oh so thankful for being made aware of my gifts, one which happens to be that of writing. It may even be considered quite remarkable how such an individual going through all these mental and physical changes managed to push out a BOOK. Maybe to some it may not be so remarkable but here’s the gist to that, the whole point of it all. You ready? Well it really doesn’t MATTER what others think of or view of the idea; as long as I know what I’ve been through, still going through and what it took to accomplish such a deed. An effort to find my purpose and pursue it. A lesson I learned while writing; I do have a purpose in my life and lives of others. I am a survivor, who chooses to share personal experiences in an effort to help others like me realize their potential. I am thankful for finally believing in ME.

That’s all for now! Stay tuned for my next post where I’m thinking of pointing out some of the contradictions in life I’ve noticed thus far on my journey to self-discovery.

As always thank you for visiting me and if you have something to say; please comment below.

I appreciate your time.

 

 

 

Reviews? New Book Cover

Hey guys, just wanted to pop in and share my new book cover for the next book I am working on.

Also for any of you who have taken the time and dime to check out THE TRIUMPH IN ME I would love your feedback. All reviews are an important part of a writer’s process. I appreciate it so much!

Coming Soon ~ THE TRIUMPH IN HER ~ Parable of Destiny

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