Tag Archives: inspiration

Share Day

Hi!   I appreciate your visit. Thank you for your time and interest.  I found this Article  that gives good insight as to a step of my existing process. I do feel I have been led to my purpose. I’ve discovered this over the course of the past 4 years and I base this on the struggles in my life and the only sense to make of it. HELPING! I see how much help/support I needed throughout and wasn’t aware that it was there all along. So many mistakes (maybe) but more so lessons learned. Lessons I tried to explain to my daughter in hopes to aid her in decisions and choices she may face in her life.  I have found that my purpose in life is to be an example for others; to help others who may lack hope, faith or motivation,  maybe some guidance/mentorship.

My name is Kashinda and I am a Life Lesson.

I am researching and learning how to effectively communicate to others because I have lots to say about this thing called “life.” A life that can be fulfilling and enriched with love and support if you allow it.

Please as always if you find any of my posts to be beneficial or interesting, share to your social media. You never know what messages are shared to others who may need it at that very moment.

Once again, thank you for visiting.

My Life…My Terms…Guided By His Light ~ KTM

Self-Awareness

Hey guys, this is how the start of my new happily ever after began.

There could be a million different reasons as to why a person can want to live a different lifestyle from their own. Perhaps, the lifestyle they have become accustomed to no longer fulfills them or maybe the change was forced upon them. It doesn’t really matter what the reasoning is; the choice is yours.

My personal experience has led me to the practicing of self-awareness.

By definition self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires.  I found this great article that explains the process in full details. Hope you find it helpful.  Self-Awareness has been a huge key to the transformation of my life.

As most of you have learned through some of my previous posts, I have been challenged with both mental & physical Illness, including losing my ability to walk. Depression has been a big struggle for me over the years. Medication therapy, psychotherapy and support groups are most effective when you commit to them. I never did. Some will say I brought the struggles on myself because help was available. Here was my problem: I didn’t even feel worth the effort. It didn’t matter if help was or wasn’t available; I never committed. I suffered with low self-esteem, lack of confidence and an overall negative outlook on life. I did not feel I was worth the effort. My relationships paid the price. How?  I was dependent upon others to provide me with self-worth. Sounds crazy rite? Well it was easy. I looked for love, happiness and joy from others, such as my daughter. I felt I was n’t capable of creating these emotions or experience them without the need of others. The funniest thing about it is that although the people closest to me tried to make me happy, it was never enough for me. I couldn’t seem to reach a sense of satisfaction. I was so hungry for love and happiness that it didn’t dawn on me until more recently that the missing piece was self-love. I didn’t love myself and that is a steep hole to fill. My daughter has been the only one to love me unconditionally and I use “unconditionally” lightly. She had no problem with snapping me back to earth whenever I acted out in her presence. She would not allow me to embarrass either one of us, especially her. ☺ I love my daughter so much.

My ex girlfriend came damn close to filling me with love. Despite all the chaos I took her through, she still chose to love me. Now to make a long story short, she and I are no longer together. There were lots of lost trust, betrayal  and lies paired with a bit of fear that led to the ending of our happily ever after. Here is the point and not to dwell too much on the past but maybe if I had loved myself enough I may not have inflicted so much of that chaos on any of our lives.

Self-love is important. How else can you fully love another without loving yourself?

 

Plea for your help!

Hey guys, I have been contemplating on starting a GoFundMe in order to assist in the purchase of a motorized wheelchair. Today I am sharing the link. Yes, I have decided to take the leap of faith and ASK for help. If you can help share the link I would be grateful. Any donations made are greatly appreciated!

Thank you in advance and stay tuned for more written pieces from me. Blessings to you all 😊

Click here to DONATE

Still awake at 3am

Hey guys, I know it’s been a while but here I am. How’s everyone doing?

It’s 3am and I am awake. (Insomnia sucks!)

Staring at the ceiling wondering what my life would be like without the sicknesses, without pain, without the gloom of loneliness. So I decided to write.

Ever wonder what your life would like if you didn’t have that dark cloud hovering over you?

Well let me see, although it’s hard to imagine my life any different; I would like to think it would free. I would be free. Free to dream, free to explore, free to love and certainly  free to work. I felt like I was held captive by pain.

When you are challenged to live in constant pain, your response is to try and fight back. What does that little voice inside you say? Does it try and convince you that you can handle it? Does it often remind you that you’re human and it’s ok to feel and that it will pass soon?

But what if it doesn’t. You must find a way to alleviate it, rite? You’ve tried all sorts of remedies. Time to get your mind in the game and pray your physical being falls in line.

I am learning to refocus my energy away from the things/thoughts that bring me negative feelings. I want to share my experience with those that are at the end of their ropes. I have created a MeetUp group for people living with chronic pain. I chose to dedicate it to persons with symptoms of nerve damage but all pain relief seekers are welcomed. We will share ideas and discover effective ways of coping.

Providing helpful support, encouraging others and allowing my journey to set an example of hope brings me great joy. It’s what I have found to be a positive shift in energy.

There’s no doubt we all will have bad days but you deserve some good ones too.

Join in on a Skype meeting usually held on Saturdays at 5pm Est and you may discover a positive distraction that works well for you. Maybe you’d like to share something that can be helpful to another. Either way, we’d love to have you.

It’s free to join the group. Sign up here: MeetUp .

Contradictions! Annoying?

Hey guys, hope all is well!

Today I am sharing some of life’s contradictions I have found to be annoying and confusing. As I have decided to share personal experiences with you all, these are my personal opinions. I am in no way judging anyone or anyone’s way of thinking. We are all works in progress, myself included, and so if you find contradiction in anything I post then that is my intended point. Here we go:

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#1  There are so many messages circulating the world about not giving up. “Never give up on your dreams.” “Keep Pushing.”  Well what about the sayings of, “Know when to throw the towel in.” “Enough is Enough.” Oh, and my favorite “Knowing when to walk away is wisdom. Being able to is Courage.”  Now I’m not sure about anyone else but this confusing the hell out of me. As I am trying my damnedest to hold on and keep fighting the good fight. I am trying to pursue a journey of success that I never thought was possible. But because of those sayings of, “If you could Imagine it, You could Achieve it.” “Never give up Dreaming.”  I feel as though I am on a hamster wheel. Chasing my own tail. I have prayed on it and truly believe I am supposed to be doing a good service to others by sharing my personal experiences of beating the odds and overcoming some difficult life challenges. To help others who may be trapped in their darkness. I must admit, this shit is exhausting. I am drained and it doesn’t seem as if anyone care what I must say, let alone is inspired in anyway. So, my question is, do I throw the towel in? It wouldn’t necessarily be due to giving up but more so saving myself from destruction. I am wearing myself out trying to be a voice for those of unheard voices. Are you depressed, newly disabled or just feel like no one sees you, hear you? I don’t think I am the only one who fits the bill but I could always be wrong. I shouldn’t give up just because it seems as if nothing is happening, rite? I never know who is watching and maybe I am here for a reason not yet revealed to me as I thought it was.

#2   Next we have “Never say Never.” Ummmm, if I’m not mistaken, this refers to anything being possible. To never say what you won’t do or won’t say because you may someday find yourself doing it or saying it, rite? Sooooo, if I am never to give up then how in the heck am I supposed to know when to walk away. This is a similar confusion as mentioned in #1. Help me out folks, let’s talk about it. Now don’t get it twisted, I am a believer of all these especially never say never. Example: I NEVER thought I would have written a book and people have actually read it and thought it was pretty damn great. Whoa! Me? Really? YES me, I wrote a fuckin book. A story of both weakness and strength! The Triumph In Me.

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#3   This is recap of a previous post I did on life’s contradictions. Maybe you’d agree or maybe you won’t. It’s okay; that’s what makes us different, rite?

There are no special instructions on how to cope with the extremes of life but there are certain remedies that can lessen the mass affects.

I have found that prayer is the #1 key to my life. I am not about to preach the word however I am a witness to its glory. Life is hard, it’s just that simple but if we learn to utilize some hardcore combat, it can be quite enjoyable too.

Selflessness for starters can take you a long way. The idea of treating others the way you would want to be treated is an important aspect but it tends to get lost within our typical behavior. If you can consider helping another individual, no matter how direct or indirect it may be, without regard to reciprocation, I can assure you, that help will find its way back around in some shape or form. Karma you may call it, that saying of “what goes around comes back around”, yes, I believe in that saying however its plenty of old wise tales that go hand in hand for instance, “you reap what you sow” or how about “every dog has its day”, so keep these old wise tales in mind when making decisions in life.

Selfishness is that behavior that can make or break you in a sense, it is a very fine line not to cross, so be careful. Remember that “God only helps those who help themselves,” they say, but that’s a fine line because he is so merciful that he will be of rescue despite of, however you must know that you have to look out for yourself first before you can expect the next person to follow suit. If you can learn that loving yourself is as worthy as loving another including your children, then life’s perception will be that much more clear to see. Yes, I said love yourself even before your children because a parent that does not love themselves will impact the lives of their children in ways that aren’t always positive and although these impacts are not intentional will not make them nonexistent. Same case for your partner in life be it a spouse or just a significant other, ask yourself “how can you possibly expect to have a healthy relationship when you are not even healthy enough to love yourself?”
Today, we see all kinds of contradictions in our entertainment, politics and education. I am not in the best position to speak on all the details of such, I will leave that to all the other blogs out there that somehow specialize in those areas. I will say though we are blinded by this stuff and easily to forget how our own minds and the resulted behavior of which we live day to day becomes insulting, demeaning and subliminally destructive. We destruct the hope and possibilities of sustaining healthy, fulfilling, enjoyable lives.

Now there may be many to disagree or feel as though without an extended education or have earned a mastering degree, who the hell am I to speak to such manners. Well I am me, and I am living a life in this world we all were born into and so I have earned a degree in “LIFE” and these are my personal opinions and my voice in which I choose not to leave unheard any longer.  I am finally taking ownership and responsibility of myself and who I once was and now have become, we all are a work in progress and must recognize that and learn to appreciate it as well.

Your voice, rightfully given to you. It is the tool in life of which you should want to learn its value if you haven’t already. Respect yourself and others no matter what because once respect is lost anything goes from that point. Just think a minute how you treat those you have no respect for, how you speak to them, how you view them, how they lost their creditability with you. Now imagine you not having respect for yourself and the behaviors others may inflict on you. Not so pretty rite?

As I share my story with you, there will be moments when you will say that I’ve contradicted myself during various times in my life and that my parenting may even seem contradicting as well, but hey that’s the way of the world, life is full of contradictions, so before you pass judgment on me, I suggest you clean your mirror off most importantly and then take a glimpse in it.

As life taught me its lessons and as I learned what faith was, I passed it along to my only born child and as you follow my story, our story, it will become apparent that this bond between mother and child was created in such a way that it is not easily understood by many. God created us and our story before we fleshly existed and so it has come to me that who am I to be “selfish” and not share the power of his glory. This is my “selfless” duty.

When my destiny became visible to me, I always thought my daughter was my reason for existing until I learned and grew as a person. Now I know she is just part of me. Not all of me. I will share my experiences, the lessons taught to me and the impact of such. It is my hopes you find this story not only inspiring but also necessary. It will depict how even when faced with the most challenging obstacles, we must fight like hell and continue. We all have our stories of our lives and it is these stories that make the world what it is…So if we can be mindful of what and how we perceive life to be and follow through with positive mannerism, maybe, just maybe things can be different.williamarthurward110017

If you are one who thinks no one cares or is interested in anything you have to say, I do!

Feel free to leave your comments below. If its worth you sharing then by all means pass it along on your social media. Until we meet again guys! Thank you for visiting!

Changing My Song

Hey guys, today I decided to try something a little different. Is there anyone else out there sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tired of singing the same old sad song? Seeking a better way to lighten the mental load of despair? Lord knows I fall under this category of questions. Well, let’s see if I can manage to sing a different tune.

Today I am thankful; thankful to recognize all the rights to some of my wrongs. Although I am still a work in progress, I have come a long way. I am thankful for that. As we are closing out the year 2016, I would like to highlight a few things that will hopefully make my 2017 a bit more tolerable.

My spirit of belief has grown tremendously. I had a hard time believing in myself, believing that I could do the impossibles that existed in my world of reality. I’ve learned this year that the world I created to be my reality had been isolated from the world of others I share the universe with. I had to learn that there was so much more to look to than what I had became accustomed to knowing. A world of dreams, goals and aspirations. I now realize how I have been so selfish to my potential self by not believing there was a world bigger than my own.

My mental health still suffers from my own ignorance. I chose to think I had the mental capacity to guide my footsteps in life. The thought that I can ignore medication therapy and all will be well. The thought that I could ignore the need of psychotherapy and all will be well. The thought that if I can just accept the fact that I share my being with a diagnosis of BiPolar Depression, all would be well. Bullshit rite? It takes more than just my thoughts of or acceptance of for all to be well; for me to be well. I am thankful that despite my moments of weakness, I haven’t attempted to take my own life. 

My physical abilities have declined significantly during this past year. I am now convinced that the use of a wheelchair is in my best interest. My doctors have previous certified me wheelchair approved but it took a while for that to digest. I continued to struggle to walk and have had a few falls along the way. I am now in acceptance to using a wheelchair to get around. I have installed a shower transfer bench to ensure I not fall in the shower anymore. Major safety issue. One of those thankfuls I’d like to express. I am thankful that despite my own ignorant negligence, I have escaped major injury from numerous shower falls. 

This neuropathy thing is probably the most disturbing circumstance of all. It was one thing to get used to the fucked up feeling of a continuing numbness and painful ordeal taking place in my lower legs and feet but now my hands are suffering as well. I no longer have feeling in my fingertips and my fingers themselves feel as if they are jammed in a door sometimes. Pain in my hands and fingers are now included on my long list of all that’s wrong in my life. But as I mentioned earlier this post will not focus on the wrongs but clearly I had to lay some of them out just to get the point across. Surely enough to emphasize how I am thankful to it all. 

My personal life, well let’s just say it gets a little lonely being alone. I know it was my own choice to not date and block out any thoughts of intimacy but gee whiz. I must admit my past relationships have been quite interesting and when I reflect back after having adjusted my perception, boy o boy, what was I thinking? How did my mates last as long as they did? I was a piece of work, yup, a load to deal with. We had our great moments sure but uh, yea, I guess I don’t blame them for not fighting me on separating. I have learned to live this thing alone, on my own with the help of getting through it from family especially my daughter. She has been exceptionally supportive and will always remain my biggest motivator. I am thankful to have such a wonderful daughter.

Without turning this into a short story. Funny, coming from a person who these days are becoming known as an author; which brings me to the publishing of my 1st book titled, The Triumph In Me, during this year. Still in awe about that whole situation, I must mention it. I am again still learning to accept that God had placed certain gifts in me as he did for all of us. I didn’t believe in myself enough to know that I was inclusive in such blessings. But yes, I am blessed and oh so thankful for being made aware of my gifts, one which happens to be that of writing. It may even be considered quite remarkable how such an individual going through all these mental and physical changes managed to push out a BOOK. Maybe to some it may not be so remarkable but here’s the gist to that, the whole point of it all. You ready? Well it really doesn’t MATTER what others think of or view of the idea; as long as I know what I’ve been through, still going through and what it took to accomplish such a deed. An effort to find my purpose and pursue it. A lesson I learned while writing; I do have a purpose in my life and lives of others. I am a survivor, who chooses to share personal experiences in an effort to help others like me realize their potential. I am thankful for finally believing in ME.

That’s all for now! Stay tuned for my next post where I’m thinking of pointing out some of the contradictions in life I’ve noticed thus far on my journey to self-discovery.

As always thank you for visiting me and if you have something to say; please comment below.

I appreciate your time.

 

 

 

Another Day Still Fighting

Hey guys!  Today is another one of those days on the battlefield, the battlefield of LIFE.

It’s no secret that I have decided to share the intimate details of my journey. I have admitted to struggling with the stability of my mental health as well as the decline in my physical abilities due to Peripheral Neuropathy otherwise known as nerve damage.

As I have been trying to take positive approaches towards bettering my life and gaining a confidence in the changes taking place, it has been extremely difficult fighting against the evils of giving up. I wish there were an easy way to transform oneself but the reality is there isn’t. My reality may be familiar or similar to many others and I try to connect with people to communicate helpful conversation. A conversation of hope but it doesn’t seem to be working.

So I shall continue to write. I will write what my heart chooses to say.

Tonight I am hurting. I am frustrated by the fact that my neuropathy is progressing faster than my mental can process it. I try to live by my message of optimism and never to give up but I am human. I am weakening. I ask God for the strength and endurance to get through my storms. I will write in hopes of relief. My words may or may not make much sense at times. The shitty thing about it all is that life at times doesn’t make much sense. Is there anyone out there who feel the same? Is there anyone out there who falls into the pit of darkness? I find myself begging for just a flicker of light in my darkness. I know it gets better but I just wish my better moments were more consistent. Is it okay to just sit in sorrow sometimes? The fight gets exhausting. People tell me all the time to keep fighting but sometimes I just rather not. I guess this is normal. What does that even mean? Normal? There is nothing normal about hating yourself one minute and trying to not the next. Oh yea, could that be the BiPolar in me? Maybe.

My next post will most likely be different than this one. Or not!

If you feel like saying something, please do. You MATTER!

 

Reviews? New Book Cover

Hey guys, just wanted to pop in and share my new book cover for the next book I am working on.

Also for any of you who have taken the time and dime to check out THE TRIUMPH IN ME I would love your feedback. All reviews are an important part of a writer’s process. I appreciate it so much!

Coming Soon ~ THE TRIUMPH IN HER ~ Parable of Destiny

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Sharing my TRIUMPH

Hey guys, I have decided to share this piece which was written just a short time ago and published on a fellow blog. Feel free to share your found TRIUMPHS! We all have them within us and I bet you do too.

When life has you feeling defeated; What do you do?

My name is Kashinda and becoming disabled, I never imagined having to adjust my life for anything other than my daughter.  My entire adult life has always been about parenting. I raised my daughter, Asia now age 21 years old, as a single mother and for many others like us, it has been quite the journey. I’m sure many would agree that life is unpredictable and there are many challenges, obstacles that we never expect to take place. As the saying goes, “Never say never.”

We as parents must learn to adapt to any situation placed before us despite our knowledge thereof, we strive to protect our young.

I have always had to adapt. I went from being a hard working single mom to a vulnerable, sickly woman. My daughter witnessed a decline in her mother’s health that resulted in a drastic change in our lives’.

A benign, yet aggressive brain tumor shook our world. Before its finding, I experienced many disabling physical and mental changes. I was grateful when the tumor was finally detected after two years of medical mystery. I was bed ridden, my days were spent in an intolerable amount of bodily pain and my nights were spent in tears wondering why. I underwent four brain surgeries to get that tumor nipped in the bud. Each time was just as traumatic as the first.

Nevertheless, I feel blessed to have been able to overcome such life altering circumstances. I am here today to share some of my life experiences in hopes to inspire someone who may also feel like they were cheated by some unexpected obstacle that has left them stuck, only hanging on by a thread; that thread is the “WHY?”

But I’m here to let you know you can reclaim your life with what you have, regardless of what it is. If you are blessed to witness a new day on earth, then you already have within you what it takes to live on. We must learn to not focus on what we don’t have and focus on using what we do have to get what we want. There is of course a fine line to that motto. Be careful to keep it on a positive note.

We must understand that our way of thinking plays a huge part in how we move and shake in this world. I was taught by the powers that be, that we are all works in progress. Certain lessons in life have led me to the gifts given to me like creativity, leadership and the gift of gab. I took these things that were free and I am now my daughter’s talent manager, an author of my debut novel entitled, The Triumph In Me and business co-owner of 4Lane Publications.

Tread lightly while leaving strong footprints. It is our stories of life we are creating each and every day. Learn to turn your troubles into triumphs.

Kashinda T. Marche

 

Dear Self,

Have you ever gotten so down that you just had to have a talk with yourself?

I speak to God all the time but this was a talk I had with myself. To put things back into perspective. To remind myself of who I am.

Dear Self,

I know its been some time since we’ve had a one on one chat with one another and it seems like we are way overdue. First of all I want you to know how extremely proud I am of you. I can see you’re wearing thin. I can see the imminence of discouragement making its way to your face. Even myself and many others fight hard to remain positive in what seems to be impossible situations to get through. But I know that you know just how awesome God is at times like that.

Self, you must hold on to the very faith that brought you through the most challenging times in our life. Trust me I was there with you, remember?

Now being as though you have stepped out on that faith and began this new venture of writing, you are feeling tested yet again. Many are telling you that God had placed this gift within you since the beginning of your existence; that he took us through serious stuff just to prove to you now that this is your calling. Many are saying that you should be sharing our experiences with others and showing those who may need to hear that they too can beat the odds they feel are against them.

Self, keep in mind and stand strong in believing that you and I have conquered issues that most wouldn’t even understand. You are a warrior and don’t you ever doubt nor forget it.

Self, take a moment to think about the life you have lived and it will show you the life you are now living and the life’s possibilities of your future. You have raised an amazing daughter with next to little support. You have worked many different jobs on all levels to maintain an independent lifestyle. You have extended help to others in need. You have endured life threatening health conditions and you are still pushing beyond measure. I must say I am moved by your drive, your determination. God has not led you wrong thus far; although sometimes we feel differently.

You have now decided to step out as a writer. Never considering yourself a writer in the past; you somehow was able to create one heck of a story that contains so many life lessons many can relate to. You chose to speak on subject matter that takes enormous courage to discuss. You will reach many who may need a little uplifting in their life. I know you feel the process has exhausted you both physically and mentally but the same one who has made the entire accomplishment possible will be the same one who will strengthen you through it. Blessings have and will continue to fall upon your life. I know first hand self that your heart is in the right place. Your needs will be met. You will get that motorized wheelchair you so desperately need. You will get that bath chair lift you daydream about. A nice warm bubble bath sure does sound good to me too. You will get to go on a luxury vacation one of these days. Keep praying. Keep promoting your anointed work. Keep your head up in a positive manner.

I love you self! I admire you self! I am so proud to be a part of you!

I hope this little chat has done you some good. I feel better and am glad you chose to express your feelings with me. I am you! You are me! We are self!