Tag Archives: mental health

Life Lesson Learning #4

Hey you! Yes you, wassup! I hope all is well and if you feel it isn’t in whatever capacity. It can and will get better.

I was sitting here in a moment of pity myself, honestly because I’m broke til it ain’t no joke; however, I will be okay. I am okay. I have an amazing daughter, a family who loves and supports me; and a warm heart. It’s a start.

This human-like moment of weakness led me yet again, to rely on my God given strength. Did I mention, strength is something I am just being awakened to?

So this brings me to my life lesson #4 learned, wake up! This covers a broad spectrum. We all have within us what God intended us to have in order to fulfill his purpose for our lives and this is to spread the acceptance of His presence and encourage others to draw closer to Him. Now, keeping in mind that we are nowhere near perfect people, but we are all human and we all need love, support and WATER. Sure, there are many other things that you can fill a notebook, if you were to list them out and that maybe so for you as an individual; however, as a human being that list gets minimized to a half of a page.
Still in mind, the fact that we all have the power of choice, it is up to me as to what’s important and not so important to me but I highly encourage a second thought and again wake up. My saying “wake up” is my way of expressing how coming into an awakening of my self-image, self-love, self-awareness and self-respect has changed my life completely and it feels incredible. No, I haven’t been cured of any of my ailments in the flesh; however, my spirit has been repaired and now leads my life. I understand that I can only speak for myself and that’s the point. I am asking what if we all woke up and smelled ourselves (not roses), maybe we can take the time to change/improve our scent to what we want it to be and not some artificial, cheap ass shit somebody else drenched us in. There will be those who are attracted to scents that I may not find appealing and that should be okay. There will be scents that I never smelled before, that I may happen to like (maybe even try for myself) and that should be okay. What if I smelled a way that was offensive to someone else’s liking; unintentionally of course? Should I just assume, because they express their opinion, they were trying to hurt me or make an ass out of me or disrespect me? (there may be some cases of which)

My point here is, if it weren’t for me waking up, I would not have been made aware of who I am and the blessing of time and power of choice to be who I want to be. Choose to be. Chosen to be (sanitized and deordorized)

A better me! Yay, it’s possible! And so can YOU if you choose to. If you choose to wake up. It may turn out that you need help with that, when He feels it’s time and that’s where lessons of life step in. It’s okay to help one another for the better good and it’s my choice to believe in that. (again my own perspective)

I will continue to work to be who I was meant to be and stepping into my own shoes because they fit well, I can try out other shoes and even provide feedback but my own shoes are the shoes I was born with and as I grow they will too but I still get to wear them and I choose to leave positive impressions in the earth as I journey my purpose and so they are there if anyone should need some direction along their journeys and they get to leave their own impressions and on and so forth. The world goes round and round, getting better or worse. My directions and impressions that were left for me I can choose to follow or I can choose to create my own. At the end of the day, I want to be able to say that if you are inspired by my examples, then I am doing what I should be doing because I now know where I’m headed and that’s walking forward guided by His light.

Mistakes are that of my own, in life we make our own mistakes. They are what helps us in learning life’s lessons.

Thank you all for visiting.  I would appreciate all forms of support including prayers, shares, comments and as always, if you’d like to share a life lesson of your own, go ahead and drop it in the comment section.

Do you want in on repairing our broken society?

Do you choose to wake up?

 

 

Life Lesson Learning #3

Another day to be thankful for! Here is my Life Lesson #3:  Mind Your Business

Now this a phrase noteworthy to its meaning and usage, so be careful.

Here is a link to where you can explore all types of information about this powerful and popular three word phrase Mind Your Business .

How many of you recall the comeback phrase when someone would tell you to mind your business? In my younger days, which was long ago but not that long ago, 🙂 went something like, my mind is my business. Sound familiar?

Well, how about there is deep truth and meaning to the phrase and yes it definitely teaches a lesson of it’s own. My mind is my responsibility to manage, not a society that teaches me to disregard humanity.

Managing myself means learning positive behaviors to do just that and yes, that is my business. Be careful because sometimes we need help in managing ourselves. It’s where the line of privacy is usually drawn. Sometimes there is an out-of-control factor that plays a significant role in effectively managing ourselves. Maybe some type of disruption in the mental process, social influence or the lack of self-control skills. Good news is there is hope.

What I’ve learned most about minding my business and the term my mind is my business is that they are just about one in the same. By becoming self-aware, I have learned that in addition to respecting the privacy of other’s, I have the God given right to embrace my blessings and not allow anyone or anything to distract me from my purpose.

This process is hardly easy with all of life’s distractions; however, if I continue to practice positive thinking (regardless of) I can have a fulfilling life. I am learning to share some very private parts of myself in order to demonstrate this practice. I will continue to broaden my perspective and share it and it is your CHOICE to engage. (remember we all have a choice in the matter) and so I will continue to believe in a better me and I pray from my heart, from my soul that I can the BEST of ME, for myself and for others.        And that’s how I’m minding my business.

That about does it for now and I hope you will continue to visit me here. Please don’t forget to share this post and any other of my posts so that someone who may need to learn of these similar lessons in life can be made aware of them.

Some people have been blessed to have learned from the lessons presented in life (not necessarily all negative) however; there are some who may need our help and if that means minding your business so that you can be of better service to others then I recommend you do just that and learn to Mind Your Business.

Have you checked out The Triumph In Me a story I’ve written to bring awareness to the importance of choices.

Thank you for your time! Smiles and blessings to you!

 

Life Lesson Learning #2

And here’s to another day granted another day to be thankful for!

This is my life lesson learning #2

It’s about Me; just not all about Me!

Let me see, hmm… (scratches my own head) what is the best way to state it’s about me without coming off as self this and self  that, basically narcissistic? After only 55 words into this post and several hours later, was I able to come up with a neutral response. My answer to this disturbing question is, “You can’t. You just simply can’t.”
Wait! There’s more. Ok, let’s say there’s a little bit of self in all of us, rite? Ok, and so what determines the tipping of the scale?
This lesson is teaching me to remain aware of the fact that my sharing is not at all about me; it’s about sharing my life experiences. Maybe it bring awareness to others; maybe not. In life, I understand that when I refer to the importance of self-care, self-love, self-respect and a ton of others, it doesn’t necessarily make me a narcissist, it just reminds me that I matter in the equation of “us.”  (to be explained in my upcoming E-Book)
To that end, it’s all about balance guys.
Pardon me, if I hadn’t already mentioned in the previous post, there will always be learning to do, continuously. And personal growth. I am just thankful that I am open to the receiving of it.
So moving on, yes, my daughter got caught up in grown folks issues; which is not cool. She’s a fantastic young woman now and I pray the affects of my emotional instability doesn’t steer her down a path of (here comes that word again) self-destruction. That one little four letter word holds so much depth. I use it quite often if you haven’t already noticed. Oh this is gonna be good. The more I share the more I care. Why? Because it is becoming clearer to me that my journey (little ol’ me) has purpose. Continue to learn and continue to grow.
 I really appreciate your time.  I’ve written a story that is very similar to that of my own, you can check it out here>>>> The Triumph In Me .  I’d appreciate that too.
As always catch you next time! Remember Sharing is Caring (go ahead it’s ok to share to your social media) someone may need to be in on this.
Comments/feedback are always welcomed.

What is the biggest life lesson you have learned thus far?

Life Lesson Learning #1

My name is Kashinda T. Marche and I am now found. I am creative, fast paced and opinionated. I am unapologetic. I have been blessed with motherhood and the sight of a newborn baby sleeping comfortably brings a sense of joy to my heart and to put a smile on the face of the elderly brings tears to my eyes. I am life. I have not always been aware of these things about myself. It wasn’t until trauma interrupted my process of happiness, which placed me in a space of confinement. Sounds like being convicted of a crime, rite? Well I am not criminal and I am not being punished, my life has been filled with lessons. Our lives as people are filled with lessons. It is expected that we learn from them and if we don’t get it right the first time around sometimes it comes around again and again, allowing us an opportunity to improve, to be improved. Are we all aware of this process? No, maybe not, but that’s what the power of sharing can be about. I wrote a book about a story of truth. It is a mother’s perspective of how understanding your truth and coming to an acceptance and moving forward. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not suggestive to airing all your dirty laundry but I have gained a perspective. A goal of mine is to develop and produce a panel discussing life lessons. This is based on experience, knowledge through research and life lessons learned, I am here to share.

The first lesson pertains to choices. It is important to understand that you were created with the gift of choice. Contrary to how society has configured us into believing we have no choice in certain situations, practically our lives. Again, because I can only base my opinion from the way I see things, I feel as if I was conditioned to lead a certain level of life. Substandard is what I’d add. However, because I now believe I have choices that can help direct me through life. I choose to share a part of myself to those who may need someone in their corner. Someone who understands what it’s like to be uncertain about which route to take to get the result desired in life. Someone who found themselves having to start from scratch time and time again. Someone to listen. Someone who can provide positive feedback but who also knows how beneficial negative feedback can be as well.

I have learned so much when it comes to choices it’s almost crazy. Let me be clear, I am not a trained mental professional.  I am aware of the fact that I can never be perfect and I do NOT know everything. We all have the power of choice but some of us forget or just aren’t aware. I still make tons of mistakes. It is a tough process but the result has been well worth it. I am free spirited, light hearted and purposed.

Naturally, we learn right from wrong, up from down, hot and cold which allows us to determine good and bad. Judgement. We are all capable of judging; we do it all the time, sometimes intentional. I am learning how to manage the choice of judgement, very important. It is not my place to judge anyone or anything unless I am placed into a situation that requires me to make a judgement call. I am learning to not always offer an opinion but to ask if it is needed or wanted.

So, my first life lesson I’d like to share with you is how I am learning that the choices I make is what leads my life. The will of God.

Sure, there will always be good and bad experiences to endure. I am no stranger to straight up heartbreaking, horrible to hear, impossible to accept situations. My life has been a true rollercoaster. How bout you?

Which brings me to my last point, looking in the mirror can be a frightening experience, especially if you start to notice things you don’t like. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t like me. It became a question of Who am I? Why am I here? What can I do to help others? I was searching for a meaning to my life. I didn’t think I had anything to offer those in need of help. I wasn’t aware of the help I needed. An array  of help. All I knew for certain is that I have always wanted to help. I had a hard time figuring out just how to do so. I finally think I’m on to something and so here I am.

Next post will be the second life lesson on the list. If you’d like to comment, feel free. Share it. Someone may need to be a part of this thread.

What is the biggest life lesson you’ve learned thus far?

Thank you for visiting!

Till next time, smiles and blessings to you.

Self-Awareness

Hey guys, this is how the start of my new happily ever after began.

There could be a million different reasons as to why a person can want to live a different lifestyle from their own. Perhaps, the lifestyle they have become accustomed to no longer fulfills them or maybe the change was forced upon them. It doesn’t really matter what the reasoning is; the choice is yours.

My personal experience has led me to the practicing of self-awareness.

By definition self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires.  I found this great article that explains the process in full details. Hope you find it helpful.  Self-Awareness has been a huge key to the transformation of my life.

As most of you have learned through some of my previous posts, I have been challenged with both mental & physical Illness, including losing my ability to walk. Depression has been a big struggle for me over the years. Medication therapy, psychotherapy and support groups are most effective when you commit to them. I never did. Some will say I brought the struggles on myself because help was available. Here was my problem: I didn’t even feel worth the effort. It didn’t matter if help was or wasn’t available; I never committed. I suffered with low self-esteem, lack of confidence and an overall negative outlook on life. I did not feel I was worth the effort. My relationships paid the price. How?  I was dependent upon others to provide me with self-worth. Sounds crazy, rite? Well it was easy. I looked for love, happiness and joy from others, such as my daughter. I felt I wasn’t capable of creating these emotions or experience them without the need of others. The funniest thing about it is that although the people closest to me tried to make me happy, it was never enough for me. I couldn’t seem to reach a sense of satisfaction. I was so hungry for love and happiness that it didn’t occur to me until more recently that the missing piece was self-love. I didn’t love myself and that is a steep hole to fill. My daughter has been the only one to love me unconditionally and I use “unconditionally” lightly. She had no problem with snapping me back to earth whenever I acted out in her presence. She would not allow me to embarrass either one of us, especially her. ☺ I love my daughter so much.

My ex girlfriend came damn close to filling me with love. Despite all the chaos I took her through, she still chose to love me. Now to make a long story short, she and I are no longer together. There were lots of lost trust, betrayal  and lies paired with a bit of fear that led to the ending of our happily ever after. Here is the point and not to dwell too much on the past but maybe if I had loved myself enough I may not have inflicted so much of that chaos on any of our lives.

Self-love is important. How else can you fully love another without loving yourself?

 

My Life with Neuropathy

Hey guys, I know it has been forever since my last post but I promise it was all worth it. I needed to take some time to focus in on ME. I was feeling a little misguided and it caused me to panic. I have a high level of anxiety that I am working out now.

Anyhow, I decided to share what my life has been like living with Peripheral Neuropathy and how my dreams are really coming true. Seriously!

Here is:

Finding My Purpose

Yesterday, I remember wanting to seek out a reason why I was so hesitant to video stream a message of hope. Today, I’ve learned that I am still a work in progress and until I build that confidence, I can still share with you.

As I am in self-reflection mode, getting to know the real me; I think I love myself. I love ME! This may sound silly but I don’t recall a single time I may have felt that way about myself. Maybe some of you know just what I’m talking about. I used to did shit for people all the time. I simply did it just because. I helped anyone in any way I could because it took the focus off of myself. I really loved helping and although help was available to me as well; I couldn’t see it.

Life is not about what you want it to be; it’s about what you make it to be.

I decided to share my story because I hope to help someone who may need to hear it. Someone who needs to know that they are truly not alone. There are all types of support available if you just open your heart and your mind to it. Simple right? Hell no, it wasn’t; my life has been brutal. There were challenges I never would have wished on anyone. So I am here today to share with you how I found my purpose.

Here and you can comment or ask questions, offer suggestions or share an experience you would like to hear a different point of view from me. Someone who has been there and done that with a lot of different topics. (Not ALL topics but MANY)

I started a support group but we more than just an offering of support; it is a place where we share a terrible commonality and we share our experiences living in chronic pain provide different perspectives of a subject. My goal was to create a virtual meeting place where we could discuss ourselves and it then becomes a positive distraction. It allows us to vent and listen to others. In fact, most of the time during our one hour meets, we aren’t focused on our pain. Very importantly, we respect our individual views and interpretations.

It feels great to be meeting so many beautiful people who just need a little extra support.

So here’s a question. We love others right? Some unconditionally, but how many of us actually love ourselves. How many of you ever took the time to get to know yourselves as an adult. I think its safe to say that your not the same at age 27 that you were when you were 13. Most anyways. 🙂 It’s a fascinating experience when you take some time to reflect on your likes and dislikes, your morale, your beliefs. As we go through life we learn new things damn near everyday. We grow.

I can’t wait to share the process of finding my purpose. This will include my experiences with Chronic Pain/Illness (includes depression), my 20+ jobs, love & relationships, family, self-image and much more. So if you are in a place in life that you are not satisfied with, I will share how I completely turned my life into what I wanted it to be. Join me next time as I share some serious lessons learned and how they relate to who I am today.

Blessings to you all!  Remember to keep loving yourselves.

Contradictions! Annoying?

Hey guys, hope all is well!

Today I am sharing some of life’s contradictions I have found to be annoying and confusing. As I have decided to share personal experiences with you all, these are my personal opinions. I am in no way judging anyone or anyone’s way of thinking. We are all works in progress, myself included, and so if you find contradiction in anything I post then that is my intended point. Here we go:

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#1  There are so many messages circulating the world about not giving up. “Never give up on your dreams.” “Keep Pushing.”  Well what about the sayings of, “Know when to throw the towel in.” “Enough is Enough.” Oh, and my favorite “Knowing when to walk away is wisdom. Being able to is Courage.”  Now I’m not sure about anyone else but this confusing the hell out of me. As I am trying my damnedest to hold on and keep fighting the good fight. I am trying to pursue a journey of success that I never thought was possible. But because of those sayings of, “If you could Imagine it, You could Achieve it.” “Never give up Dreaming.”  I feel as though I am on a hamster wheel. Chasing my own tail. I have prayed on it and truly believe I am supposed to be doing a good service to others by sharing my personal experiences of beating the odds and overcoming some difficult life challenges. To help others who may be trapped in their darkness. I must admit, this shit is exhausting. I am drained and it doesn’t seem as if anyone care what I must say, let alone is inspired in anyway. So, my question is, do I throw the towel in? It wouldn’t necessarily be due to giving up but more so saving myself from destruction. I am wearing myself out trying to be a voice for those of unheard voices. Are you depressed, newly disabled or just feel like no one sees you, hear you? I don’t think I am the only one who fits the bill but I could always be wrong. I shouldn’t give up just because it seems as if nothing is happening, rite? I never know who is watching and maybe I am here for a reason not yet revealed to me as I thought it was.

#2   Next we have “Never say Never.” Ummmm, if I’m not mistaken, this refers to anything being possible. To never say what you won’t do or won’t say because you may someday find yourself doing it or saying it, rite? Sooooo, if I am never to give up then how in the heck am I supposed to know when to walk away. This is a similar confusion as mentioned in #1. Help me out folks, let’s talk about it. Now don’t get it twisted, I am a believer of all these especially never say never. Example: I NEVER thought I would have written a book and people have actually read it and thought it was pretty damn great. Whoa! Me? Really? YES me, I wrote a fuckin book. A story of both weakness and strength! The Triumph In Me.

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#3   This is recap of a previous post I did on life’s contradictions. Maybe you’d agree or maybe you won’t. It’s okay; that’s what makes us different, rite?

There are no special instructions on how to cope with the extremes of life but there are certain remedies that can lessen the mass affects.

I have found that prayer is the #1 key to my life. I am not about to preach the word however I am a witness to its glory. Life is hard, it’s just that simple but if we learn to utilize some hardcore combat, it can be quite enjoyable too.

Selflessness for starters can take you a long way. The idea of treating others the way you would want to be treated is an important aspect but it tends to get lost within our typical behavior. If you can consider helping another individual, no matter how direct or indirect it may be, without regard to reciprocation, I can assure you, that help will find its way back around in some shape or form. Karma you may call it, that saying of “what goes around comes back around”, yes, I believe in that saying however its plenty of old wise tales that go hand in hand for instance, “you reap what you sow” or how about “every dog has its day”, so keep these old wise tales in mind when making decisions in life.

Selfishness is that behavior that can make or break you in a sense, it is a very fine line not to cross, so be careful. Remember that “God only helps those who help themselves,” they say, but that’s a fine line because he is so merciful that he will be of rescue despite of, however you must know that you have to look out for yourself first before you can expect the next person to follow suit. If you can learn that loving yourself is as worthy as loving another including your children, then life’s perception will be that much more clear to see. Yes, I said love yourself even before your children because a parent that does not love themselves will impact the lives of their children in ways that aren’t always positive and although these impacts are not intentional will not make them nonexistent. Same case for your partner in life be it a spouse or just a significant other, ask yourself “how can you possibly expect to have a healthy relationship when you are not even healthy enough to love yourself?”
Today, we see all kinds of contradictions in our entertainment, politics and education. I am not in the best position to speak on all the details of such, I will leave that to all the other blogs out there that somehow specialize in those areas. I will say though we are blinded by this stuff and easily to forget how our own minds and the resulted behavior of which we live day to day becomes insulting, demeaning and subliminally destructive. We destruct the hope and possibilities of sustaining healthy, fulfilling, enjoyable lives.

Now there may be many to disagree or feel as though without an extended education or have earned a mastering degree, who the hell am I to speak to such manners. Well I am me, and I am living a life in this world we all were born into and so I have earned a degree in “LIFE” and these are my personal opinions and my voice in which I choose not to leave unheard any longer.  I am finally taking ownership and responsibility of myself and who I once was and now have become, we all are a work in progress and must recognize that and learn to appreciate it as well.

Your voice, rightfully given to you. It is the tool in life of which you should want to learn its value if you haven’t already. Respect yourself and others no matter what because once respect is lost anything goes from that point. Just think a minute how you treat those you have no respect for, how you speak to them, how you view them, how they lost their creditability with you. Now imagine you not having respect for yourself and the behaviors others may inflict on you. Not so pretty rite?

As I share my story with you, there will be moments when you will say that I’ve contradicted myself during various times in my life and that my parenting may even seem contradicting as well, but hey that’s the way of the world, life is full of contradictions, so before you pass judgment on me, I suggest you clean your mirror off most importantly and then take a glimpse in it.

As life taught me its lessons and as I learned what faith was, I passed it along to my only born child and as you follow my story, our story, it will become apparent that this bond between mother and child was created in such a way that it is not easily understood by many. God created us and our story before we fleshly existed and so it has come to me that who am I to be “selfish” and not share the power of his glory. This is my “selfless” duty.

When my destiny became visible to me, I always thought my daughter was my reason for existing until I learned and grew as a person. Now I know she is just part of me. Not all of me. I will share my experiences, the lessons taught to me and the impact of such. It is my hopes you find this story not only inspiring but also necessary. It will depict how even when faced with the most challenging obstacles, we must fight like hell and continue. We all have our stories of our lives and it is these stories that make the world what it is…So if we can be mindful of what and how we perceive life to be and follow through with positive mannerism, maybe, just maybe things can be different.williamarthurward110017

If you are one who thinks no one cares or is interested in anything you have to say, I do!

Feel free to leave your comments below. If its worth you sharing then by all means pass it along on your social media. Until we meet again guys! Thank you for visiting!

Changing My Song

Hey guys, today I decided to try something a little different. Is there anyone else out there sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tired of singing the same old sad song? Seeking a better way to lighten the mental load of despair? Lord knows I fall under this category of questions. Well, let’s see if I can manage to sing a different tune.

Today I am thankful; thankful to recognize all the rights to some of my wrongs. Although I am still a work in progress, I have come a long way. I am thankful for that. As we are closing out the year 2016, I would like to highlight a few things that will hopefully make my 2017 a bit more tolerable.

My spirit of belief has grown tremendously. I had a hard time believing in myself, believing that I could do the impossibles that existed in my world of reality. I’ve learned this year that the world I created to be my reality had been isolated from the world of others I share the universe with. I had to learn that there was so much more to look to than what I had became accustomed to knowing. A world of dreams, goals and aspirations. I now realize how I have been so selfish to my potential self by not believing there was a world bigger than my own.

My mental health still suffers from my own ignorance. I chose to think I had the mental capacity to guide my footsteps in life. The thought that I can ignore medication therapy and all will be well. The thought that I could ignore the need of psychotherapy and all will be well. The thought that if I can just accept the fact that I share my being with a diagnosis of BiPolar Depression, all would be well. Bullshit rite? It takes more than just my thoughts of or acceptance of for all to be well; for me to be well. I am thankful that despite my moments of weakness, I haven’t attempted to take my own life. 

My physical abilities have declined significantly during this past year. I am now convinced that the use of a wheelchair is in my best interest. My doctors have previous certified me wheelchair approved but it took a while for that to digest. I continued to struggle to walk and have had a few falls along the way. I am now in acceptance to using a wheelchair to get around. I have installed a shower transfer bench to ensure I not fall in the shower anymore. Major safety issue. One of those thankfuls I’d like to express. I am thankful that despite my own ignorant negligence, I have escaped major injury from numerous shower falls. 

This neuropathy thing is probably the most disturbing circumstance of all. It was one thing to get used to the fucked up feeling of a continuing numbness and painful ordeal taking place in my lower legs and feet but now my hands are suffering as well. I no longer have feeling in my fingertips and my fingers themselves feel as if they are jammed in a door sometimes. Pain in my hands and fingers are now included on my long list of all that’s wrong in my life. But as I mentioned earlier this post will not focus on the wrongs but clearly I had to lay some of them out just to get the point across. Surely enough to emphasize how I am thankful to it all. 

My personal life, well let’s just say it gets a little lonely being alone. I know it was my own choice to not date and block out any thoughts of intimacy but gee whiz. I must admit my past relationships have been quite interesting and when I reflect back after having adjusted my perception, boy o boy, what was I thinking? How did my mates last as long as they did? I was a piece of work, yup, a load to deal with. We had our great moments sure but uh, yea, I guess I don’t blame them for not fighting me on separating. I have learned to live this thing alone, on my own with the help of getting through it from family especially my daughter. She has been exceptionally supportive and will always remain my biggest motivator. I am thankful to have such a wonderful daughter.

Without turning this into a short story. Funny, coming from a person who these days are becoming known as an author; which brings me to the publishing of my 1st book titled, The Triumph In Me, during this year. Still in awe about that whole situation, I must mention it. I am again still learning to accept that God had placed certain gifts in me as he did for all of us. I didn’t believe in myself enough to know that I was inclusive in such blessings. But yes, I am blessed and oh so thankful for being made aware of my gifts, one which happens to be that of writing. It may even be considered quite remarkable how such an individual going through all these mental and physical changes managed to push out a BOOK. Maybe to some it may not be so remarkable but here’s the gist to that, the whole point of it all. You ready? Well it really doesn’t MATTER what others think of or view of the idea; as long as I know what I’ve been through, still going through and what it took to accomplish such a deed. An effort to find my purpose and pursue it. A lesson I learned while writing; I do have a purpose in my life and lives of others. I am a survivor, who chooses to share personal experiences in an effort to help others like me realize their potential. I am thankful for finally believing in ME.

That’s all for now! Stay tuned for my next post where I’m thinking of pointing out some of the contradictions in life I’ve noticed thus far on my journey to self-discovery.

As always thank you for visiting me and if you have something to say; please comment below.

I appreciate your time.

 

 

 

Another Day Still Fighting

Hey guys!  Today is another one of those days on the battlefield, the battlefield of LIFE.

It’s no secret that I have decided to share the intimate details of my journey. I have admitted to struggling with the stability of my mental health as well as the decline in my physical abilities due to Peripheral Neuropathy otherwise known as nerve damage.

As I have been trying to take positive approaches towards bettering my life and gaining a confidence in the changes taking place, it has been extremely difficult fighting against the evils of giving up. I wish there were an easy way to transform oneself but the reality is there isn’t. My reality may be familiar or similar to many others and I try to connect with people to communicate helpful conversation. A conversation of hope but it doesn’t seem to be working.

So I shall continue to write. I will write what my heart chooses to say.

Tonight I am hurting. I am frustrated by the fact that my neuropathy is progressing faster than my mental can process it. I try to live by my message of optimism and never to give up but I am human. I am weakening. I ask God for the strength and endurance to get through my storms. I will write in hopes of relief. My words may or may not make much sense at times. The shitty thing about it all is that life at times doesn’t make much sense. Is there anyone out there who feel the same? Is there anyone out there who falls into the pit of darkness? I find myself begging for just a flicker of light in my darkness. I know it gets better but I just wish my better moments were more consistent. Is it okay to just sit in sorrow sometimes? The fight gets exhausting. People tell me all the time to keep fighting but sometimes I just rather not. I guess this is normal. What does that even mean? Normal? There is nothing normal about hating yourself one minute and trying to not the next. Oh yea, could that be the BiPolar in me? Maybe.

My next post will most likely be different than this one. Or not!

If you feel like saying something, please do. You MATTER!