Tag Archives: motivation

Oh Happy Day

IMG_0573Happy Sunday! Thankful for another day. I was sitting here watching my morning church services and that message from Dr. Charles Stanley was on point and just what I needed. I had a revelation. No kidding.

I was baptized back in the later 90’s and I am just now having the full understanding that my life has been made of all the things destined for me. I understand that some of the things that has placed me in uncomfortable circumstances, I played part in due to my choices. Others were due to the choices God made for me that were planned by Him for a reason. Purpose. My heart has been strengthened. It has been broken and repaired so many times. It continues to wear scars. I can express this openly because I am sure of it. Believe me or not that I speak from my heart; the very heart that God uniquely placed his spirit in. I’m not saying that I am anything special than you but I am indeed special, unique and touched by God.

SO ARE YOU.

It is amazing; this process. I thought my life was dark and dull all this time, only to realize that it was not. Am I supposed to think that someone out in the world would ever need, use or want anything my heart may speak? I guess that depends on what it is that I’m saying. Fair enough. I want you to know I pray for peaceful hearts and wellness for us all.

You, if you’re reading this are indeed special to me. If you know your blessed, comment Amen. If you are searching for some new direction in life, comment Amen and hit me up, let’s talk about that. If neither applies, it’s okay to say hello anyways, rite?

Did I mention, I have been working on my second book? Yes! I said second. Now that is nothing less than a miracle.

I am a person just like you, living in a world that confuses the hell out of us. We can support, encourage and uplift one another and that should be okay.

I appreciate you reading about how my life has been transformed. I promised to keep you in the loop until I have life no more and I plan to keep it.

Until next time. Thanks for visiting and don’t forget to LIKE, SHARE or COMMENT.

Smiles and Blessings.

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REPOST

IMG_0573This is a good one. I had to re-post it…Shut Da’ Fuck Up!

Having been brought up in older times far from today, I can recall being taught to “only speak when spoken to.” Then there was, “some things are best left unsaid or how about, there is a time and place for everything and the most familiar, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Who started this shit anyways? Now, I consider myself respectful, but c’mon on now, really? You mean to tell me that if someone is speaking to me in a way I consider to be disrespectful or derogatory, I shouldn’t say anything until the moment they are done. By which time, I may not even feel worthy enough to speak against them or what was said. Here, contradiction intervenes. In a prior statement made on a different platform, I mentioned on the topic of effective communication, how allowing others to finish speaking before interjecting or responding makes for a good flow of conversing. Yes, this is part of learning to communicate effectively; however like most situations in life, there is a very fine line that distinguishes one thing from another.

Truth is, I am a talker, a motor-mouth and an animated speaker. These are a few of the labels, I was groomed to wear. Why? Because this is what I recall others saying about me. Others constantly labeling me, not realizing the harm it may cause.

Balance is crucial. I even remember the moment; I lost my confidence in what I wanted to say. It was a highly, debatable topic. (No need to specify) The conversation was intense. I was accused of contradicting myself. I briefly thought to myself how, how did I contradict myself? I knew what I was talking about. Shit, the conversation was about a situation I was in. Here’s the thing, I didn’t really understand what the word contradiction meant. I thought of it as a negative word, indicating a person not knowing what they were talking about or lying. At the time, I interpreted the word to be in the same class as hypocrite. No way was I trying to be a hypocrite, no way was I trying to contradict myself. I was simply presenting my case and responding in accordance. It was a great talk; however, it made me feel a way. A way that stuck to me like glue, I never said it stopped me from talking completely but I definitely didn’t speak up for myself in regard to future matters. When I found out the true meaning of contradiction, (long after that conversation) I realized it was okay. I presented my perspective at that time. The point isn’t whether or not I contradicted myself; what matters is learning to choose my words carefully when speaking with others. There is indeed a difference between speaking with and speaking to others. Listening is very important. Speaking with gives you more time to listen; while speaking to doesn’t allow much listening time, therefore, feedback is pretty useful at times. (Sometimes it may not be)

So, in this particular lesson, I’ve learned when and when not to shut ‘da fuck up. We must be careful when it comes to our communication with others and with ourselves. I understand how life can be so overwhelming; too much shit to beware of. At times, there’s too much (negative) shit going on to worry about. No one wants to walk around paranoid, rite? And it may be a bit annoying to always see the sunny side (positivity) in everything.

Reflecting back to that particular conversation has allowed me to gain a sense of confidence in what I say and when I say it. Did I overreact by questioning myself? Maybe. There was no way of knowing the result of that before hand. It’s like that with lots of circumstances in my life. You just don’t know.

(Another lesson of not knowing everything)

What I do know is the more I continue to learn, the more confidence I am regaining in regards to speaking with people. My mentors are teaching me about things that for so long I thought I knew. The more I am learning just when to shut up, I am learning that listening can be the most important part of a conversation. It has allowed me to gain an understanding of the different perspectives we have in the world. I wonder how much we as a society could accomplish towards better days if we just learn effective (non-violent) ways of communicating. Modern day style.

For one, we all can learn a thing or two from each other, even if it turns out not fully understood in that moment. Asking questions can sometimes aid in gaining a clearer understanding. Not all of us learn on the same level or in the same capacity. I have learned to take responsibility for my own part in what I am learning. Some of you may agree that we learn things from each other all the time, everyday, (Youtubers, social media pros, television, blogging, books, etc.) on a variety of levels. Again, there is a redundancy going on here. On purpose, I have to keep telling myself things of a positive nature just to gain a balance. I can only speak for myself in saying, my life has indeed been filled with many situations, others may or may not have agreed with or understood. It’s life you guys, learning and learning to listen and sometimes staying away from what some may be teaching. This is one of the most valuable life lessons I am learning. There are times when I just need to shut da’ fuck up, but then there may be times when I should speak up.

Has anyone else ever felt voiceless?

Relationships

Relationships – What happened to forever?

Surely, we know that there are many types of relationships to be had. Family, work, INTIMATE, etc., all which come with their own expectations and faux rules. Easy peasy, rite? Do good, get good. What if the shit isn’t that simple?

So, here’s my thing with relationships and how they lied when:

The many types of intimate relationships from which I have learned consisted of heterosexual, bi-sexual, lesbian, bosses, OPP (other people’s property), shared relationships (business propositions) and all the shit that went along with them. Not all at once! That would be insane. Let me be clear, the OPP relationship was a teen romance (nightmare) but, nonetheless, has taught me a lot, only worth the mention. I learned early in life not to fuck with anybody that already had somebody.

Now the shit that came along with all theses different types of relationships that I write about were issues of infidelity, damaged self-esteem, betrayal of trust, physical abuse (in some cases sexual abuse) lack of support and the list can go on forever. Sound familiar? Gosh, I hope not. Some of those issues were ignited by me, I admit I was the culprit. And naturally, some of those issues were of no fault of my own; that was my claim. However, I still was the culprit. You must understand that in any given situation approachable, I had to consider MY part in it.

Although these days I’ve become known as a writer, I will make this as brief as possible. (skipping most of the glory details unless you request one on one talk time with me) Questions are certainly welcomed. This is my perspective…

Coming from a space in life I once was, I loved hard and was always searching. Since my teen years, I always found myself in a relationship and had the notion of never being alone. Truth learned was that until I was completely okay with ME, I realized I was alone while in these relationships. I point this out partially because now at age 41-years old, I am currently on my own; alone with me, myself and I.

Until recently, I was unclear as to what a healthy relationship consisted of so long as I had a boo, still lonely as hell with them. I still managed to have loved each one of them, including the ones who hurt me to my core (all of them).

In my learnings of myself, no relationship was as fulfilling as the one with myself and if this were a sermon, my relationship with God is amazing. I have both now and my life is great but it took lots of time and effort to get to this point. It wouldn’t be fair to me if I pretended that any of this was easy. It has been a difficult process. Ironically, for me, all the issues I mentioned above had to be revisited in the buildings of my relationship with God and MYSELF.

In short, I have been beat up by someone I once loved, I have been belittled, disrespected, embarrassed by being date-raped by someone I once loved. I realize this may sound horrible but, at the time, amid these relationships, it wasn’t so much horrible as it was normal. The normal rocky road of relationships. I mean, yes, there were moments I felt horrible; however, seemingly recovered rather quickly. I forgave a lot without pause. Desperation took me there. The problem came to surface when I felt like I was giving my all, despite the issues, and didn’t feel as though I had all of my mate. It was like, I had to always be the one to take responsibility for any wrong doing I may have done, but, when it came to the one hurting me, they always found some justification for it. I accepted it. Well guess what Kash? If a person gave you all of them, what are they left with for themselves? I thought the idea of giving all or nothing or getting all or nothing made for a great relationship. Now maybe, if we were to start talking marriage and the exchanging of vows, the details could change a bit.

I wanna focus a little on FOREGIVENESS. I recently finished reading a book that took some time to get through as I am not an avid reader. But, this book, Supernatural Relationships ~ How to Get Closer to the People You Care For by Ed Gungor, teaches the Godly way of dealing with all kinds of relationships. According to Ed, “forgiveness protects our lives from Satan’s strategy by violently opposing the evil that tries to enter after an offense comes.” Basically, by forgiving, I released to the negativity I was holding on to. (toward them and myself) I had to learn after years of dwelling on all the situations that had wronged me and the same for all things for which I wronged, it was time to forgive. Forgive others even if they did not ask to be forgiven. I had to forgive MYSELF as God already done, even if I did not know it. Point is, I learned this as another lesson in life.

This book struck several chords because it was these concepts I came to understand by listening to what my spirit was already telling me for I now know it was coming from a place where God reveals his purpose chosen for MY life. I am not afraid to listen to it now! I believe in ME and that includes all the shit I’ve been through. It is true that I have made many mistakes (some bigger than others) and that I had to understand where the choices I made came from that led to such mistakes. The negative Nancy in me. It’s okay to make mistakes as life will prompt them but what’s not okay is not taking the time to get to know myself to prevent repeats, if possible.

Having low self-esteem, society decorated beliefs, faux rules to every situation and a non-belief of self-worth were all ingredients to a recipe distasteful to me and God didn’t appreciate it very much, lol. He showed me just how so. I’ve cheated and been cheated on, I’ve been hurt and I have hurt, I’ve loved and been loved. A cycle in my life that has taught me so many things but most importantly is how not understanding forgiveness and not willing to give the opportunity to move on can make life quite miserable. Something else Ed said that resonated with me is, “the responsibility to heal broken relationships is not to be left to the one who wrinkled the relationship, but responsibility belongs to the one who is aware of the conflict.” That would-be ME. My issue shouldn’t be with those who chose to leave me for whatever their reasoning, my issue is how I allowed it to negatively affect my growth. A growth I already lacked.

Life lied to me when love didn’t love me. I was fooled into believing that my happiness depended on who could create it for me in my life, especially if I did all I could to make them happy. Silly? Stupid? Naïve? Nope, love!

It’s okay for now because God loves me and I love me too.

Yup, I searched for love and hoped-for love to find me.

Feel free to share this post or comment below. Thank you for visiting! Not sure what’s up next to post but here’s an idea, how about you suggest a topic. Is there something you want to be heard on? Everyone has their own take on experiences and how one chooses to deal or not with them.

Life Lied…

IMG_0573

Life lied to me when:  From a little girl, I always felt different. If I could describe the days I remembered as a child in one word it would be fear. I was a scared little girl. But, scared in a different way; I behaved the opposite. Now I know that may seem weird. It was like the things I did, I was afraid of but did anyway and ended up hurt in a way that in my new life (presently) I am just understanding how.

I started drinking alcohol at the very young age of ten years old. Alcohol easily became my coping mechanism. Then sex. Then work. Then now. Life. I lived life the best I could just like everyone else, sometimes I felt like I had to go a little harder. Like average was never enough. I don’t know who said average wasn’t good enough for me, especially when it seems like I always ended up having to settle or had to be satisfied with below average. It made me feel some fucking way. Life made me feel like a fucking joke. Going so hard for shit never mounted out to anything other than pain and sorrow; disappointment, frustration and envy.

You ever feel like your life just ain’t shit. I mean of course, you have family; children and a job, relationships with good times. I mean YOUR life. MY life just always felt like I was just floating through a maze and I did the best I could with my choices and decisions. But c’mon, am I the only in the world who felt like something just wasn’t right. I’ve come across the stories of transgenders, who speak of a feeling of difference. I’ve heard of people with certain mental defects speak of some sort of difference in their way of choice. For me, I felt like my life wasn’t shit nor was I ever good enough; but, it wasn’t supposed to feel that way.

Other people’s lives always looked like they would come out better than me, even dealing with similar situations. They’d be struggling just like me and seem to have more or something of what I wanted for me and mines. Certainly, during these stages in my life, I didn’t understand it all. I was just floating. Never feeling the security of the ground beneath my feet. Always going extra hard to strive for the best. The best for me. The best apartments, clothes, jobs, kids, bank account. The best relationships. For ME. Somehow, it got turned into the best for others. In my mind that is. I tried to be the best forever other than me. The best mom. The best daughter. The best sibling. The best student. The best girlfriend. The best employee. You get the idea, rite? I enjoyed the ride. It became the normal, just a way of life. I wanted to do most of what I did; however, it wasn’t the best of me. It was what I thought was the best I could give. Whatever the fuck that means. Anyway, moving forward, I will share the difference. I am now living in the best version of me, a better me. I’m still learning because we will always learning something each day. Why? Or How? You may wonder, well, it’s because it’s a new day that we aren’t able to predict. I didn’t know how good it feels or better it feels being ME. For ME. I am taking the time to learn about me, reflecting on the me I used to be versus now. It’s crazy similar; however, just knowing it’s about me, feels incredible.  

I’ve written various pieces describing many different stages in my life and lessons I have learned. As I continue to share, it will become evident that what I thought my life would be and what I always worked toward turned out to be nothing as I imagined. Yet, it did. And, what I’ve learned in whole is life lied to me but God didn’t.

Have you realized life lessons are powerful? care to share any of your life lessons?

Next will be about some relationship shit I have learned. Now I got stories for days but I will keep it real and brief.

Blessings,

 KTM

Share Day again!

Do Not Despair Courage, bravery, boldness are substances impregnating your dense dark blood. You don’t learn them. You don’t earn them. Perseverance and patience, are learnt through pain and wounds. Fight is not about running with a sword on your… Continue Reading → The post Do not despair | Finding Inner Courage and Boldness appeared…

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Share Day

Hi!   I appreciate your visit. Thank you for your time and interest.  I found this Article  that gives good insight as to a step of my existing process. I do feel I have been led to my purpose. I’ve discovered this over the course of the past 4 years and I base this on the struggles in my life and the only sense to make of it. HELPING! I see how much help/support I needed throughout and wasn’t aware that it was there all along. So many mistakes (maybe) but more so lessons learned. Lessons I tried to explain to my daughter in hopes to aid her in decisions and choices she may face in her life.  I have found that my purpose in life is to be an example for others; to help others who may lack hope, faith or motivation,  maybe some guidance/mentorship. Perhaps.

My name is Kashinda and I am a Life Lesson.

I am researching and learning how to effectively communicate to others because I have lots to say about this thing called “life.” A life that can be fulfilling and enriched with love and support if you allow it.

Please as always if you find any of my posts to be beneficial or interesting, share to your social media. You never know what messages are shared to others who may need it at that very moment.

Once again, thank you for visiting.

My Life…My Terms…Guided By His Light ~ KTM