Tag Archives: perception

Life Lesson Learning #5

 

Shut Da’ Fuck Up?

Having been brought up in older times far from today, I can recall being taught to “only speak when spoken to.” Then there was, “some things are best left unsaid, there is a time and place for everything and the most known today, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.”
Who started this shit anyways? Now, I consider myself respectful, but c’mon on now, really? You mean to tell me that if someone is speaking to me in a way I consider to be disrespectful, I shouldn’t say anything until the moment they are done. By which time, I may not even feel worthy enough to speak against them. Yes, contradiction intervenes. In a prior post, I mentioned briefly on allowing others to finish speaking before interjecting or responding. Yes, this is part of my learning to communicate effectively; however like most situations in life, there is a very fine line that distinguishes one thing from another.
This lesson expands communication. I am a talker, a motor-mouth and a dramatic speaker. These are a few of the labels, I was groomed to wear. Why? Because this is what I recall others saying about me. Others constantly labeling me, not realizing the harm or benefit it may cause.

Balance is crucial. I even remember the moment; I lost my confidence in what I had to say. It was a highly, debatable topic. (No need to specify) The conversation was intense. It was conversation among family members. We were close and talked all the time about life and the diverse situations we found ourselves in. Anyhow, as I was making my point, being as long winded as I am when speaking, one of my older (than me) fellow conversationalists shouted out, “She contradicted herself, oh my goodness she contradicted herself.” Now pardon me for a moment, as I go back to my pre-learned phase, I briefly thought to myself how, how did I contradict myself? I know what I’m talking about here. Shit, the conversation was about a situation I was in. Here’s the thing, I didn’t really understand what the word contradiction meant, I only thought of it as a negative word, indicating a person not knowing what they were talking about. At the time, I interpreted the word to be in the same class as lying. No way was I necessarily lying, maybe I just had mixed feelings; no way was I trying to contradict myself. I was simply presenting my case and responding in accordance to the responses I received. In life, there a little this and a little that. Different responses, different perspectives/opinions, different beliefs/morals. It was a great talk; however, it made me feel a way. A way that stuck to me like glue, I never said it stopped me from talking but I definitely didn’t speak up for myself in relevance to future matters. When I found out the true meaning of contradiction, (long after that conversation) I realized it was okay. I presented my perspective at that time. The point isn’t whether or not I contradicted myself; what matters is I need to choose my words carefully when speaking with others. I didn’t take the time to listen to them nor myself. I just spoke.

First of all, I feel there is a difference in speaking with and speaking to others. Listening is important. Speaking with gives you more time to listen; while speaking to doesn’t allow much listening time, therefore, feedback is pretty useful at times. (Sometimes not so much)

So, in this particular lesson, I’ve learned when and when not to shut ‘da fuck up. We must be careful when it comes to our communication with others and with ourselves. I understand how life can seem so overwhelming; too much shit to beware of, too much (negative) shit not to worry about. No one wants to walk around paranoid, rite? Also it can be a bit annoying to always see the sunny side (positivity) in everything.

Reflecting back to that particular conversation, which has allowed me to gain a sense of confidence in what I say and when I say it. Maybe they knew what the meaning of the word was? Maybe not. Did they just have to be right just because they were older? Maybe not. Did I overreact? Maybe. There is no way of knowing any of that before hand. It’s like that with lots of circumstances in my life. I just don’t know. (Another lesson of not knowing everything)

What I do know is, the more I continue to learn, the more confidence I am regaining in regards to speaking with people. The more I am learning just when to shut up, I am learning that listening can be the most important part of a conversation. It has also allowed me to gain an understanding of the different perspectives we have in the world. I wonder how much we as a society could accomplish towards better days if we just learn effective (non-violent) ways of communicating. Modern day style.

For one, we all can learn a thing or two from each other. When you are not clear on something, asking questions can sometimes aid in gaining a clearer understanding. Not all of us learn on the same level or in the same capacity. I have learned to take responsibility for my own part in what I am learning. Some of you may agree that we learn things from each other all the time, everyday, (Youtubers, social media pros, television blogging, books, etc.) all on a variety of levels. Again, there is a redundancy going on here. On purpose, I have to keep telling myself things of a positive nature just to gain a balance. I can only speak for myself in saying, my life has indeed been filled with many situations, others may or may not have agreed with or understood. It’s life you guys, learning and learning to listen and sometimes staying away from what some may be teaching. My life lesson #5 I am learning to just shut da’ fuck up, but I also am learning that there may be times when I should speak up. Sub-lesson to all, just recently learned. Maybe my sharing isn’t meant to help anyone at all. Could it be just helping me? Maybe.
I am just sharing. Sharing just because.

Here I share an article from one of my favorite blogs:  The Balance  and a previous post I did about contradicting:  My Own Perspective

Thanks for visiting! This will conclude 5 life lessons I’ve learned thus far. Look out for my E-Book which will include lessons shared by others too. I’m excited to be including other perspectives on this project.  #Time2WakeUp

If you have a valuable life lesson you’d like to share, please do! You will be shocked by the many of perspectives we have in the world. Your voice matters!

Life Lesson Learning #4

Hey you! Yes you, wassup! I hope all is well and if you feel it isn’t in whatever capacity. It can and will get better.

I was sitting here in a moment of pity myself, honestly because I’m broke til it ain’t no joke; however, I will be okay. I am okay. I have an amazing daughter, a family who loves and supports me; and a warm heart. It’s a start.

This human-like moment of weakness led me yet again, to rely on my God given strength. Did I mention, strength is something I am just being awakened to?

So this brings me to my life lesson #4 learned, wake up! This covers a broad spectrum. We all have within us what God intended us to have in order to fulfill his purpose for our lives and this is to spread the acceptance of His presence and encourage others to draw closer to Him. Now, keeping in mind that we are nowhere near perfect people, but we are all human and we all need love, support and WATER. Sure, there are many other things that you can fill a notebook, if you were to list them out and that maybe so for you as an individual; however, as a human being that list gets minimized to a half of a page.
Still in mind, the fact that we all have the power of choice, it is up to me as to what’s important and not so important to me but I highly encourage a second thought and again wake up. My saying “wake up” is my way of expressing how coming into an awakening of my self-image, self-love, self-awareness and self-respect has changed my life completely and it feels incredible. No, I haven’t been cured of any of my ailments in the flesh; however, my spirit has been repaired and now leads my life. I understand that I can only speak for myself and that’s the point. I am asking what if we all woke up and smelled ourselves (not roses), maybe we can take the time to change/improve our scent to what we want it to be and not some artificial, cheap ass shit somebody else drenched us in. There will be those who are attracted to scents that I may not find appealing and that should be okay. There will be scents that I never smelled before, that I may happen to like (maybe even try for myself) and that should be okay. What if I smelled a way that was offensive to someone else’s liking; unintentionally of course? Should I just assume, because they express their opinion, they were trying to hurt me or make an ass out of me or disrespect me? (there may be some cases of which)

My point here is, if it weren’t for me waking up, I would not have been made aware of who I am and the blessing of time and power of choice to be who I want to be. Choose to be. Chosen to be (sanitized and deordorized)

A better me! Yay, it’s possible! And so can YOU if you choose to. If you choose to wake up. It may turn out that you need help with that, when He feels it’s time and that’s where lessons of life step in. It’s okay to help one another for the better good and it’s my choice to believe in that. (again my own perspective)

I will continue to work to be who I was meant to be and stepping into my own shoes because they fit well, I can try out other shoes and even provide feedback but my own shoes are the shoes I was born with and as I grow they will too but I still get to wear them and I choose to leave positive impressions in the earth as I journey my purpose and so they are there if anyone should need some direction along their journeys and they get to leave their own impressions and on and so forth. The world goes round and round, getting better or worse. My directions and impressions that were left for me I can choose to follow or I can choose to create my own. At the end of the day, I want to be able to say that if you are inspired by my examples, then I am doing what I should be doing because I now know where I’m headed and that’s walking forward guided by His light.

Mistakes are that of my own, in life we make our own mistakes. They are what helps us in learning life’s lessons.

Thank you all for visiting.  I would appreciate all forms of support including prayers, shares, comments and as always, if you’d like to share a life lesson of your own, go ahead and drop it in the comment section.

Do you want in on repairing our broken society?

Do you choose to wake up?

 

 

Life Lesson Learning #1

My name is Kashinda T. Marche and I am now found. I am creative, fast paced and opinionated. I am unapologetic. I have been blessed with motherhood and the sight of a newborn baby sleeping comfortably brings a sense of joy to my heart and to put a smile on the face of the elderly brings tears to my eyes. I am life. I have not always been aware of these things about myself. It wasn’t until trauma interrupted my process of happiness, which placed me in a space of confinement. Sounds like being convicted of a crime, rite? Well I am not criminal and I am not being punished, my life has been filled with lessons. Our lives as people are filled with lessons. It is expected that we learn from them and if we don’t get it right the first time around sometimes it comes around again and again, allowing us an opportunity to improve, to be improved. Are we all aware of this process? No, maybe not, but that’s what the power of sharing can be about. I wrote a book about a story of truth. It is a mother’s perspective of how understanding your truth and coming to an acceptance and moving forward. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not suggestive to airing all your dirty laundry but I have gained a perspective. A goal of mine is to develop and produce a panel discussing life lessons. This is based on experience, knowledge through research and life lessons learned, I am here to share.

The first lesson pertains to choices. It is important to understand that you were created with the gift of choice. Contrary to how society has configured us into believing we have no choice in certain situations, practically our lives. Again, because I can only base my opinion from the way I see things, I feel as if I was conditioned to lead a certain level of life. Substandard is what I’d add. However, because I now believe I have choices that can help direct me through life. I choose to share a part of myself to those who may need someone in their corner. Someone who understands what it’s like to be uncertain about which route to take to get the result desired in life. Someone who found themselves having to start from scratch time and time again. Someone to listen. Someone who can provide positive feedback but who also knows how beneficial negative feedback can be as well.

I have learned so much when it comes to choices it’s almost crazy. Let me be clear, I am not a trained mental professional.  I am aware of the fact that I can never be perfect and I do NOT know everything. We all have the power of choice but some of us forget or just aren’t aware. I still make tons of mistakes. It is a tough process but the result has been well worth it. I am free spirited, light hearted and purposed.

Naturally, we learn right from wrong, up from down, hot and cold which allows us to determine good and bad. Judgement. We are all capable of judging; we do it all the time, sometimes intentional. I am learning how to manage the choice of judgement, very important. It is not my place to judge anyone or anything unless I am placed into a situation that requires me to make a judgement call. I am learning to not always offer an opinion but to ask if it is needed or wanted.

So, my first life lesson I’d like to share with you is how I am learning that the choices I make is what leads my life. The will of God.

Sure, there will always be good and bad experiences to endure. I am no stranger to straight up heartbreaking, horrible to hear, impossible to accept situations. My life has been a true rollercoaster. How bout you?

Which brings me to my last point, looking in the mirror can be a frightening experience, especially if you start to notice things you don’t like. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t like me. It became a question of Who am I? Why am I here? What can I do to help others? I was searching for a meaning to my life. I didn’t think I had anything to offer those in need of help. I wasn’t aware of the help I needed. An array  of help. All I knew for certain is that I have always wanted to help. I had a hard time figuring out just how to do so. I finally think I’m on to something and so here I am.

Next post will be the second life lesson on the list. If you’d like to comment, feel free. Share it. Someone may need to be a part of this thread.

What is the biggest life lesson you’ve learned thus far?

Thank you for visiting!

Till next time, smiles and blessings to you.

Self-Awareness

Hey guys, this is how the start of my new happily ever after began.

There could be a million different reasons as to why a person can want to live a different lifestyle from their own. Perhaps, the lifestyle they have become accustomed to no longer fulfills them or maybe the change was forced upon them. It doesn’t really matter what the reasoning is; the choice is yours.

My personal experience has led me to the practicing of self-awareness.

By definition self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires.  I found this great article that explains the process in full details. Hope you find it helpful.  Self-Awareness has been a huge key to the transformation of my life.

As most of you have learned through some of my previous posts, I have been challenged with both mental & physical Illness, including losing my ability to walk. Depression has been a big struggle for me over the years. Medication therapy, psychotherapy and support groups are most effective when you commit to them. I never did. Some will say I brought the struggles on myself because help was available. Here was my problem: I didn’t even feel worth the effort. It didn’t matter if help was or wasn’t available; I never committed. I suffered with low self-esteem, lack of confidence and an overall negative outlook on life. I did not feel I was worth the effort. My relationships paid the price. How?  I was dependent upon others to provide me with self-worth. Sounds crazy, rite? Well it was easy. I looked for love, happiness and joy from others, such as my daughter. I felt I wasn’t capable of creating these emotions or experience them without the need of others. The funniest thing about it is that although the people closest to me tried to make me happy, it was never enough for me. I couldn’t seem to reach a sense of satisfaction. I was so hungry for love and happiness that it didn’t occur to me until more recently that the missing piece was self-love. I didn’t love myself and that is a steep hole to fill. My daughter has been the only one to love me unconditionally and I use “unconditionally” lightly. She had no problem with snapping me back to earth whenever I acted out in her presence. She would not allow me to embarrass either one of us, especially her. ☺ I love my daughter so much.

My ex girlfriend came damn close to filling me with love. Despite all the chaos I took her through, she still chose to love me. Now to make a long story short, she and I are no longer together. There were lots of lost trust, betrayal  and lies paired with a bit of fear that led to the ending of our happily ever after. Here is the point and not to dwell too much on the past but maybe if I had loved myself enough I may not have inflicted so much of that chaos on any of our lives.

Self-love is important. How else can you fully love another without loving yourself?