Tag Archives: self awareness

Share Day again!

Do Not Despair Courage, bravery, boldness are substances impregnating your dense dark blood. You don’t learn them. You don’t earn them. Perseverance and patience, are learnt through pain and wounds. Fight is not about running with a sword on your… Continue Reading → The post Do not despair | Finding Inner Courage and Boldness appeared…

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Life Lesson Learning #2

And here’s to another day granted another day to be thankful for!

This is my life lesson learning #2

It’s about Me; just not all about Me!

Let me see, hmm… (scratches my own head) what is the best way to state it’s about me without coming off as self this and self  that, basically narcissistic? After only 55 words into this post and several hours later, was I able to come up with a neutral response. My answer to this disturbing question is, “You can’t. You just simply can’t.”
Wait! There’s more. Ok, let’s say there’s a little bit of self in all of us, rite? Ok, and so what determines the tipping of the scale?
This lesson is teaching me to remain aware of the fact that my sharing is not at all about me; it’s about sharing my life experiences. Maybe it bring awareness to others; maybe not. In life, I understand that when I refer to the importance of self-care, self-love, self-respect and a ton of others, it doesn’t necessarily make me a narcissist, it just reminds me that I matter in the equation of “us.”  (to be explained in my upcoming E-Book)
To that end, it’s all about balance guys.
Pardon me, if I hadn’t already mentioned in the previous post, there will always be learning to do, continuously. And personal growth. I am just thankful that I am open to the receiving of it.
So moving on, yes, my daughter got caught up in grown folks issues; which is not cool. She’s a fantastic young woman now and I pray the affects of my emotional instability doesn’t steer her down a path of (here comes that word again) self-destruction. That one little four letter word holds so much depth. I use it quite often if you haven’t already noticed. Oh this is gonna be good. The more I share the more I care. Why? Because it is becoming clearer to me that my journey (little ol’ me) has purpose. Continue to learn and continue to grow.
 I really appreciate your time.  I’ve written a story that is very similar to that of my own, you can check it out here>>>> The Triumph In Me .  I’d appreciate that too.
As always catch you next time! Remember Sharing is Caring (go ahead it’s ok to share to your social media) someone may need to be in on this.
Comments/feedback are always welcomed.

What is the biggest life lesson you have learned thus far?

Life Lesson Learning #1

My name is Kashinda T. Marche and I am now found. I am creative, fast paced and opinionated. I am unapologetic. I have been blessed with motherhood and the sight of a newborn baby sleeping comfortably brings a sense of joy to my heart and to put a smile on the face of the elderly brings tears to my eyes. I am life. I have not always been aware of these things about myself. It wasn’t until trauma interrupted my process of happiness, which placed me in a space of confinement. Sounds like being convicted of a crime, rite? Well I am not criminal and I am not being punished, my life has been filled with lessons. Our lives as people are filled with lessons. It is expected that we learn from them and if we don’t get it right the first time around sometimes it comes around again and again, allowing us an opportunity to improve, to be improved. Are we all aware of this process? No, maybe not, but that’s what the power of sharing can be about. I wrote a book about a story of truth. It is a mother’s perspective of how understanding your truth and coming to an acceptance and moving forward. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not suggestive to airing all your dirty laundry but I have gained a perspective. A goal of mine is to develop and produce a panel discussing life lessons. This is based on experience, knowledge through research and life lessons learned, I am here to share.

The first lesson pertains to choices. It is important to understand that you were created with the gift of choice. Contrary to how society has configured us into believing we have no choice in certain situations, practically our lives. Again, because I can only base my opinion from the way I see things, I feel as if I was conditioned to lead a certain level of life. Substandard is what I’d add. However, because I now believe I have choices that can help direct me through life. I choose to share a part of myself to those who may need someone in their corner. Someone who understands what it’s like to be uncertain about which route to take to get the result desired in life. Someone who found themselves having to start from scratch time and time again. Someone to listen. Someone who can provide positive feedback but who also knows how beneficial negative feedback can be as well.

I have learned so much when it comes to choices it’s almost crazy. Let me be clear, I am not a trained mental professional.  I am aware of the fact that I can never be perfect and I do NOT know everything. We all have the power of choice but some of us forget or just aren’t aware. I still make tons of mistakes. It is a tough process but the result has been well worth it. I am free spirited, light hearted and purposed.

Naturally, we learn right from wrong, up from down, hot and cold which allows us to determine good and bad. Judgement. We are all capable of judging; we do it all the time, sometimes intentional. I am learning how to manage the choice of judgement, very important. It is not my place to judge anyone or anything unless I am placed into a situation that requires me to make a judgement call. I am learning to not always offer an opinion but to ask if it is needed or wanted.

So, my first life lesson I’d like to share with you is how I am learning that the choices I make is what leads my life. The will of God.

Sure, there will always be good and bad experiences to endure. I am no stranger to straight up heartbreaking, horrible to hear, impossible to accept situations. My life has been a true rollercoaster. How bout you?

Which brings me to my last point, looking in the mirror can be a frightening experience, especially if you start to notice things you don’t like. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t like me. It became a question of Who am I? Why am I here? What can I do to help others? I was searching for a meaning to my life. I didn’t think I had anything to offer those in need of help. I wasn’t aware of the help I needed. An array  of help. All I knew for certain is that I have always wanted to help. I had a hard time figuring out just how to do so. I finally think I’m on to something and so here I am.

Next post will be the second life lesson on the list. If you’d like to comment, feel free. Share it. Someone may need to be a part of this thread.

What is the biggest life lesson you’ve learned thus far?

Thank you for visiting!

Till next time, smiles and blessings to you.

Self-Awareness

Hey guys, this is how the start of my new happily ever after began.

There could be a million different reasons as to why a person can want to live a different lifestyle from their own. Perhaps, the lifestyle they have become accustomed to no longer fulfills them or maybe the change was forced upon them. It doesn’t really matter what the reasoning is; the choice is yours.

My personal experience has led me to the practicing of self-awareness.

By definition self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires.  I found this great article that explains the process in full details. Hope you find it helpful.  Self-Awareness has been a huge key to the transformation of my life.

As most of you have learned through some of my previous posts, I have been challenged with both mental & physical Illness, including losing my ability to walk. Depression has been a big struggle for me over the years. Medication therapy, psychotherapy and support groups are most effective when you commit to them. I never did. Some will say I brought the struggles on myself because help was available. Here was my problem: I didn’t even feel worth the effort. It didn’t matter if help was or wasn’t available; I never committed. I suffered with low self-esteem, lack of confidence and an overall negative outlook on life. I did not feel I was worth the effort. My relationships paid the price. How?  I was dependent upon others to provide me with self-worth. Sounds crazy, rite? Well it was easy. I looked for love, happiness and joy from others, such as my daughter. I felt I wasn’t capable of creating these emotions or experience them without the need of others. The funniest thing about it is that although the people closest to me tried to make me happy, it was never enough for me. I couldn’t seem to reach a sense of satisfaction. I was so hungry for love and happiness that it didn’t occur to me until more recently that the missing piece was self-love. I didn’t love myself and that is a steep hole to fill. My daughter has been the only one to love me unconditionally and I use “unconditionally” lightly. She had no problem with snapping me back to earth whenever I acted out in her presence. She would not allow me to embarrass either one of us, especially her. ☺ I love my daughter so much.

My ex girlfriend came damn close to filling me with love. Despite all the chaos I took her through, she still chose to love me. Now to make a long story short, she and I are no longer together. There were lots of lost trust, betrayal  and lies paired with a bit of fear that led to the ending of our happily ever after. Here is the point and not to dwell too much on the past but maybe if I had loved myself enough I may not have inflicted so much of that chaos on any of our lives.

Self-love is important. How else can you fully love another without loving yourself?

 

My Life with Neuropathy

Hey guys, I know it has been forever since my last post but I promise it was all worth it. I needed to take some time to focus in on ME. I was feeling a little misguided and it caused me to panic. I have a high level of anxiety that I am working out now.

Anyhow, I decided to share what my life has been like living with Peripheral Neuropathy and how my dreams are really coming true. Seriously!

Here is:

Finding My Purpose

Yesterday, I remember wanting to seek out a reason why I was so hesitant to video stream a message of hope. Today, I’ve learned that I am still a work in progress and until I build that confidence, I can still share with you.

As I am in self-reflection mode, getting to know the real me; I think I love myself. I love ME! This may sound silly but I don’t recall a single time I may have felt that way about myself. Maybe some of you know just what I’m talking about. I used to did shit for people all the time. I simply did it just because. I helped anyone in any way I could because it took the focus off of myself. I really loved helping and although help was available to me as well; I couldn’t see it.

Life is not about what you want it to be; it’s about what you make it to be.

I decided to share my story because I hope to help someone who may need to hear it. Someone who needs to know that they are truly not alone. There are all types of support available if you just open your heart and your mind to it. Simple right? Hell no, it wasn’t; my life has been brutal. There were challenges I never would have wished on anyone. So I am here today to share with you how I found my purpose.

Here and you can comment or ask questions, offer suggestions or share an experience you would like to hear a different point of view from me. Someone who has been there and done that with a lot of different topics. (Not ALL topics but MANY)

I started a support group but we more than just an offering of support; it is a place where we share a terrible commonality and we share our experiences living in chronic pain provide different perspectives of a subject. My goal was to create a virtual meeting place where we could discuss ourselves and it then becomes a positive distraction. It allows us to vent and listen to others. In fact, most of the time during our one hour meets, we aren’t focused on our pain. Very importantly, we respect our individual views and interpretations.

It feels great to be meeting so many beautiful people who just need a little extra support.

So here’s a question. We love others right? Some unconditionally, but how many of us actually love ourselves. How many of you ever took the time to get to know yourselves as an adult. I think its safe to say that your not the same at age 27 that you were when you were 13. Most anyways. 🙂 It’s a fascinating experience when you take some time to reflect on your likes and dislikes, your morale, your beliefs. As we go through life we learn new things damn near everyday. We grow.

I can’t wait to share the process of finding my purpose. This will include my experiences with Chronic Pain/Illness (includes depression), my 20+ jobs, love & relationships, family, self-image and much more. So if you are in a place in life that you are not satisfied with, I will share how I completely turned my life into what I wanted it to be. Join me next time as I share some serious lessons learned and how they relate to who I am today.

Blessings to you all!  Remember to keep loving yourselves.

Another Day Still Fighting

Hey guys!  Today is another one of those days on the battlefield, the battlefield of LIFE.

It’s no secret that I have decided to share the intimate details of my journey. I have admitted to struggling with the stability of my mental health as well as the decline in my physical abilities due to Peripheral Neuropathy otherwise known as nerve damage.

As I have been trying to take positive approaches towards bettering my life and gaining a confidence in the changes taking place, it has been extremely difficult fighting against the evils of giving up. I wish there were an easy way to transform oneself but the reality is there isn’t. My reality may be familiar or similar to many others and I try to connect with people to communicate helpful conversation. A conversation of hope but it doesn’t seem to be working.

So I shall continue to write. I will write what my heart chooses to say.

Tonight I am hurting. I am frustrated by the fact that my neuropathy is progressing faster than my mental can process it. I try to live by my message of optimism and never to give up but I am human. I am weakening. I ask God for the strength and endurance to get through my storms. I will write in hopes of relief. My words may or may not make much sense at times. The shitty thing about it all is that life at times doesn’t make much sense. Is there anyone out there who feel the same? Is there anyone out there who falls into the pit of darkness? I find myself begging for just a flicker of light in my darkness. I know it gets better but I just wish my better moments were more consistent. Is it okay to just sit in sorrow sometimes? The fight gets exhausting. People tell me all the time to keep fighting but sometimes I just rather not. I guess this is normal. What does that even mean? Normal? There is nothing normal about hating yourself one minute and trying to not the next. Oh yea, could that be the BiPolar in me? Maybe.

My next post will most likely be different than this one. Or not!

If you feel like saying something, please do. You MATTER!