Hey guys, this is how the start of my new happily ever after began.
There could be a million different reasons as to why a person can want to live a different lifestyle from their own. Perhaps, the lifestyle they have become accustomed to no longer fulfills them or maybe the change was forced upon them. It doesn’t really matter what the reasoning is; the choice is yours.
My personal experience has led me to the practicing of self-awareness.
By definition self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires. I found this great article that explains the process in full details. Hope you find it helpful. Self-Awareness has been a huge key to the transformation of my life.
As most of you have learned through some of my previous posts, I have been challenged with both mental & physical Illness, including losing my ability to walk. Depression has been a big struggle for me over the years. Medication therapy, psychotherapy and support groups are most effective when you commit to them. I never did. Some will say I brought the struggles on myself because help was available. Here was my problem: I didn’t even feel worth the effort. It didn’t matter if help was or wasn’t available; I never committed. I suffered with low self-esteem, lack of confidence and an overall negative outlook on life. I did not feel I was worth the effort. My relationships paid the price. How? I was dependent upon others to provide me with self-worth. Sounds crazy, rite? Well it was easy. I looked for love, happiness and joy from others, such as my daughter. I felt I wasn’t capable of creating these emotions or experience them without the need of others. The funniest thing about it is that although the people closest to me tried to make me happy, it was never enough for me. I couldn’t seem to reach a sense of satisfaction. I was so hungry for love and happiness that it didn’t occur to me until more recently that the missing piece was self-love. I didn’t love myself and that is a steep hole to fill. My daughter has been the only one to love me unconditionally and I use “unconditionally” lightly. She had no problem with snapping me back to earth whenever I acted out in her presence. She would not allow me to embarrass either one of us, especially her. ☺ I love my daughter so much.
My ex girlfriend came damn close to filling me with love. Despite all the chaos I took her through, she still chose to love me. Now to make a long story short, she and I are no longer together. There were lots of lost trust, betrayal and lies paired with a bit of fear that led to the ending of our happily ever after. Here is the point and not to dwell too much on the past but maybe if I had loved myself enough I may not have inflicted so much of that chaos on any of our lives.
Self-love is important. How else can you fully love another without loving yourself?
Have you ever gotten so down that you just had to have a talk with yourself?
I speak to God all the time but this was a talk I had with myself. To put things back into perspective. To remind myself of who I am.
I know its been some time since we’ve had a one on one chat with one another and it seems like we are way overdue. First of all I want you to know how extremely proud I am of you. I can see you’re wearing thin. I can see the imminence of discouragement making its way to your face. Even myself and many others fight hard to remain positive in what seems to be impossible situations to get through. But I know that you know just how awesome God is at times like that.
Self, you must hold on to the very faith that brought you through the most challenging times in our life. Trust me I was there with you, remember?
Now being as though you have stepped out on that faith and began this new venture of writing, you are feeling tested yet again. Many are telling you that God had placed this gift within you since the beginning of your existence; that he took us through serious stuff just to prove to you now that this is your calling. Many are saying that you should be sharing our experiences with others and showing those who may need to hear that they too can beat the odds they feel are against them.
Self, keep in mind and stand strong in believing that you and I have conquered issues that most wouldn’t even understand. You are a warrior and don’t you ever doubt nor forget it.
Self, take a moment to think about the life you have lived and it will show you the life you are now living and the life’s possibilities of your future. You have raised an amazing daughter with next to little support. You have worked many different jobs on all levels to maintain an independent lifestyle. You have extended help to others in need. You have endured life threatening health conditions and you are still pushing beyond measure. I must say I am moved by your drive, your determination. God has not led you wrong thus far; although sometimes we feel differently.
You have now decided to step out as a writer. Never considering yourself a writer in the past; you somehow was able to create one heck of a story that contains so many life lessons many can relate to. You chose to speak on subject matter that takes enormous courage to discuss. You will reach many who may need a little uplifting in their life. I know you feel the process has exhausted you both physically and mentally but the same one who has made the entire accomplishment possible will be the same one who will strengthen you through it. Blessings have and will continue to fall upon your life. I know first hand self that your heart is in the right place. Your needs will be met. You will get that motorized wheelchair you so desperately need. You will get that bath chair lift you daydream about. A nice warm bubble bath sure does sound good to me too. You will get to go on a luxury vacation one of these days. Keep praying. Keep promoting your anointed work. Keep your head up in a positive manner.
I love you self! I admire you self! I am so proud to be a part of you!
I hope this little chat has done you some good. I feel better and am glad you chose to express your feelings with me. I am you! You are me! We are self!