Tag Archives: self-improvement

Giving Tuesday

It’s been a few days and so much has happened over the past week, it is just settling in this overacting brain of mine.

Saturday, November 18th, 2017 we had The Raleigh Literacy Expo. It was an event I had the pleasure of organizing, on behalf of AAALAC , The African American Author Literacy Awareness Campaign. This organization is dedicated to bringing awareness to African American Authors around the world. It was a great event.

I was also the keynote speaker of this event and through the holy spirit I was given a push backed by courage. I finally had the courage, the strength to disclose my illness publicly. If it had not been for the inspiration I received in that room full of amazing talents and gifts, amazing people, I may not have received that blessing. It was truly a blessing to speak my truth in a setting outside the mental health sector. It was a moment, an opportunity to touch someone’s life in a positive nature. It was that event that assured me I was doing as God willed of me. It was a vision He had shown me long ago and I didn’t quite understand until now. He showed me what my life was going to be like. I didn’t know when or if it would really happen. It did. I was me.

My spirit was on an all-time high being apart of this event. My physical body on the other hand felt quite differently. The pain was unbearable to me, but God comforted me the duration of preparation and the execution of it in it’s entirety. Despite all the challenges I face day to day, I experienced a very joyous moment. My parents and my sister were present. My family.

Fast forward, Thanksgiving was relaxing. I popped in the day after I believe. I mentioned cooking a little something and most of the night was spent on video chat with my daughter. We spent the holiday with thousands of miles between us but were as close as close to be.

Now I am wondering what do you guys think of this here blog thread. I see I have a few new followers and that’s always nice. Glad you all could stop by. I would really appreciate if you could share it. There may be someone who needs to know they are not alone. The daily struggles of us all takes it toll at some point. I am living to demonstrate how life can lead you past it. To practice living a life devoted to God and you of course. My message of hope may not be needed or welcomed by many and it’s fine. I ask that you make it bigger than you and share or pass it along. I have learned that I can ask and it’s ok if some may not choose to share any of my posts. I aim to please God these days. That’s it for now.

As always thanks for reading and sharing this as these are the days of my life and what I’ve learned along the way. Living with a chronic illness.

FREE DOWNLOAD of my book, The Triumph in Me . Today for giving Tuesday, click the link, with my hopes of you enjoying the read.

*Reviews are welcomed!

Advertisements

Still Thankful

Hey you guys, I know today is the day when everyone is cooking and gathering for Thanksgiving Day and so I was just popping in to wish you all a very happily, blessed holiday.

Ok, I decided to do a little something in the kitchen myself. Aside from it just being me and my numbing fingers, my uncle will enjoy the spread. I used to be so good in the kitchen and liked it. These days not so much.

So, I am thankful to just have the opportunity to wish you all a happy turkey day. I am thankful to at least be able to still feed myself and prepare a light meal despite the cruelty of nerve damage. Although I would have loved to surprise my daughter out in California, my no money having ass will be staying home. Still, I am thankful. Thank you for Heavenly Father for your mercy. I am still here and I’m thankful.

Talk with you guys soon. God willing!

As always thank you for stopping by and if you haven’t already purchased a copy of my book The Triumph In Me, email me at kashinda.kreations@gmail.com to request a signed copy.

Smiles and blessings.

Kashinda

Kreative On Purpose

Keeping the Faith

Hey guys! Here we are another day among the living. Despite all the challenges we may be facing today, it is still a day. A day to make a difference or to not. I am thankful for this day that allows me to connect with you. So, thank you for visiting. As most of you already know, I am chronically ill. Multiple health conditions that I have decided to LIVE with instead of dying from. I posted the pic below on Instagram. I made it this morning.

Keep your FAITH in He and it shall be. Hmm…

Well just imagine the day you could be living the life you always dreamed of. What would you be doing? Where would you be? Just think about that for a few seconds. Ok now this is gonna sound crazy, but bear with me. Through careful meditation, prayer and belief; I am living my dream. A dream I never would have thought existed. I am a mother who gets to write and use the power within my conversation to inspire individuals who may need it. That individual who knows what it is like living in a state of disbelief. A loss of hope. Newly diagnosed with a chronic illness. Just lost your job, the lifeline of your survival. Things that occur and totally knock the shit out of us. Yea, I’ve been there. My life sucked for the most of it until I changed my thought of it. I always thought my life sucked. I truly believed it. And so, it did. Today’s life doesn’t suck. I have learned to change my mindset. I mean things are so weird for me now. I am aware of things others don’t think two shits about. And in a way, we all have this ability. It was given to you by the Creator of all. The God who has helped me change my life. For real. I am here on a blog writing about my personal life journey to share with others who may need to be reminded of how life isn’t so bad. Let me be clear, I am not saying that I don’t experience sucky challenges. My every day is still a struggle; a struggle with lots of things like taking a shower. Like walking. Nah, my life doesn’t suck, no way Jose! Some of the events in my life may suck. My life is grand. I love my life. I bet yours is too. It takes getting to know yourself and a willingness to work towards seeing it as such. Completely your choice.

And I close this by adding, I’m not sure if I am already transitioning to the spiritual side and we all know what that means. Or, it could not. Keep stopping by, we shall see.

Thanks again and be sure to LIKE if you do, SHARE to your other social media, Comment if you want. I appreciate it all.

Smiles and Blessings to YOU!

Kashinda T. Marche

You can purchase my book The Triumph In Me here>>>>> https://goo.gl/HmFv7O

Taking my ME back!

Ever wonder how we end up in these draining situations?

I sometimes ask myself, how did I end up in this situation that seems to drain the energy straight out of me. A situation that steals my hope, my will, my me. I have tried so hard in these situation types to take my hope back, my will, my me and until the Lord restored me I had other known behavior other than to give up, sit and sulk, living with no life. I blamed the devil and gave in. That wasn’t the me that I was created to be . The me I have been prepared to be. The me that wants to help others recognize their me. That person who can take back their hope, their will, their them. 😊

I have been strengthened mentally, physically and spiritually. Sharing my journey is my purpose. It is what allows me to experience hope, will and living a life. A life meant for me. The me I was created to be.

Thanks again for stopping by. Feel free to LIKE, SHARE and COMMENT, I’d love to hear from you.

Smiles and blessings to you all.

The Me I Didn’t Know

Hey guys here is a piece I feel would allow a better understanding of what it is I write about her on my blog. The very thing of my purpose. Life. I write about life. My life and lately I have been led to the sharing of the life lessons I have learned along the way, learning along the way and that of others before me and the lessons they have publicly shared.

With a respect for others and their beliefs, I understand that many won’t be in agreement. That’s what makes it so awesome, it’s ok.

Life lessons were intended to be the teachings of you. They also serve as beneficial particles of direction for others. Some lessons learned from others can be quite successful in the life of others and some may not. If we chose to follow we must understand the it comes down to choice. You can choose to use life lessons from others to implement into your own blueprint or you don’t have to. I chose to learn from others ways. My ancestors lived through the worst of times than now. As bad as it is. They lived through the first of times of what we know as modern civilization. The not so civil of times partially because it was the first of. Isn’t it safe to say that most first timers fail or suck and if you get to nail anything the first time around you are truly gifted because most of us don’t. I know I didn’t and so maybe they didn’t either. They being the ones who lived in this same world that I do today. Doing the same old thing making their difference in different ways. Commonality? We are all living, rite? We all look for love, we all want to eat, sleep and shit. We all enjoy the idea of making money.

My point here is I am choosing what way I choose to make my difference in a world not giving to me but rather in a world I am being given to. A world I am to be giving. This is the me God intended me to be. The me I didn’t know. I am a Storyteller.

A me who knows I’m dying. A me who knows this may or may not be a wise choice but also a me who knows the Glory of my God and He who gives me the strength is He whom I trust. Here I will share parts of my life with you until there is no more life to share.

 

The Prayer that introduces The Me I Didn’t Know

By the age fourteen, I didn’t know I had already began the purge of the true me. All I knew was that I hated my household, had the self-esteem of a scorned woman and that I had already developed the image of my life as it were to be. I didn’t know how I viewed the world and all things within including myself would depict my growth and in what ways. This eternal process is my life.

What provoked this share was the studying of my culture and the exhaustingly decline in my health. I had been worn so thin by the age forty, there was no choice but to surrender to God. He who has created the everything we were created to consider and He who has created all beings that are to be considered, I turn to you for I have no other place to go.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the life You given me. I appreciate al the disguised blessings I was too ignorant to recognize. I am infinitely grateful for the time spent and the gift of my daughter. I enjoyed motherhood; so thank you for that. I come to you Dear Lord because as you already know, the time has come and I have arrived at the place. The place in my life where I need your help Dear Lord and I haven’t found anyone capable of the task. Not even I.

I now understand that my life and all its struggles challenges and obstacles, all  of its disappointments, devastations and un-resulting determinations. I now understand how blessed I was to have been a part of the lives of others, the life of a child carefully handled from the heart and that of the life I was able to witness with my own sight as witness. I thank you Father.

I am seeking the peace that’s missing in my life still holding me captive and that is the negative ways of my thinking. My perception is under attack and I have done all I could to oppose it and Father I have failed. I continue to foster thoughts of disgrace, fear and judgement. Guilt. Guilt of not allowing the true self of me to emerge. The me you created me to be in full bloom and blossom. To you Heavenly Father, I am seeking your will. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen

This is a  me who has lived in pain for most of my life.  Living a life searching for pain relief.

What do I need to do to feel like this? The this I thought was that. The that I learned was this.

Making a choice in life is one of the most powerful tools given to us. Unfortunately, I was groomed to not recognize it. So, the choices I made in life were crafted by the mock design of the world around me, the people, my family, my household. Circumstances. All these things delivered to me in plain sight thru the surrendering of my life back to the one who created it and prayer for his help is who I am now. This is the me I didn’t know.

As always thank you for stopping by. Please like, share or feel free to comment.

Smiles and blessings!

A loud thought…

Yesterday I had a loud thought. It was recognizable and had happened plenty of times but yesterday I decided to listen out loud. Now, this may sound–well I don’t know how it sounds; it happened. God spoke to me. It was the continuation of talk that began with me the moment I was born. It’s just a few years recent that I was delivered to hear that of which. It’s super hard to describe. It leaves you feeling super high. A natural HIGH. Whenever this experience takes place, it feels like I can take on the world. Does that really mean take on the world? No, certainly not, but it does mean that I already have what I need to progress in the life that is meant for me. How do I know this? Because I can feel it and see it and now share it. Ironically, the experience sounds similar to the high I experienced in the past living with Bipolar.

But this is different. Profoundly different.

Because of this voice, I have gotten to know myself again. It has allowed me to re-enter a personal growth mindset, a passion for learning and this lesson is all about “bringing it down a notch.”

The short version is best explained as I wish I had known then what I know now. Sound familiar? Well, the fact is I know now what I didn’t know then. When we listen, we learn. While life has me fighting against so many odds, I am somehow still alive and it feels amazing to have been blessed with such mercy. I may not be a guru of any kind; however, I am being led to the sharing of lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Here’s what’s so funny. Until now, I have been trying to figure out how to build a bigger following? How do I get people to take me seriously and more importantly, how can I get people to want to get to know me?Well, according to most branding, startup business videos, blogs, etc., I’ve been researching, these questions to self are more common than not. Truth is, the only time I feel like I am enough is when I hear the message and yes I understand how odd that may seem to some. It is what it is. I am a work in progress and my self-esteem, confidence and self-worth still get tested at times.

Let me put it this way, we all have this capability. We can all live purposed, fulfilling lives. To whom shall your life be fulfilling to/for? I had to ask myself that question over and over because something just wasn’t right. Keep reading…

Back to bringing it down a notch; I am learning:  1. I don’t have to go so hard for people to know who I am. 2. I accept the fact that some reading this may not be interested in getting to know me at all. 3. It’s okay if I am not as popular on social media. And lastly, 4. It’s okay for me to still be me; a servant of God.

I can now say with confidence that I am living my dreamed life. A dreamed life I wasn’t confident of before. I am a storyteller and these are the lessons of my story. If I can be living proof of how He will do it then I know it has all been His will.

Here is a piece I hope you enjoy. As always, I thank you for visiting and your likes, shares and comments are appreciated.

A busy mind leads me to exhaustion.

A broken body exhausts me just as much.

At the end of the day, I yearn for a satisfying reasoning why.

Achy fingers and feet to painful to touch.

No one knows me, No one cares and yet I still work towards that unknown life.

A life to be free. Free to live. Free to need. Free to want. Free to help.

So that becomes the answer. A satisfying reason to my why.

Life Lied…

IMG_0573

Life lied to me when:  From a little girl, I always felt different. If I could describe the days I remembered as a child in one word it would be fear. I was a scared little girl. But, scared in a different way; I behaved the opposite. Now I know that may seem weird. It was like the things I did, I was afraid of but did anyway and ended up hurt in a way that in my new life (presently) I am just understanding how.

I started drinking alcohol at the very young age of ten years old. Alcohol easily became my coping mechanism. Then sex. Then work. Then now. Life. I lived life the best I could just like everyone else, sometimes I felt like I had to go a little harder. Like average was never enough. I don’t know who said average wasn’t good enough for me, especially when it seems like I always ended up having to settle or had to be satisfied with below average. It made me feel some fucking way. Life made me feel like a fucking joke. Going so hard for shit never mounted out to anything other than pain and sorrow; disappointment, frustration and envy.

You ever feel like your life just ain’t shit. I mean of course, you have family; children and a job, relationships with good times. I mean YOUR life. MY life just always felt like I was just floating through a maze and I did the best I could with my choices and decisions. But c’mon, am I the only in the world who felt like something just wasn’t right. I’ve come across the stories of transgenders, who speak of a feeling of difference. I’ve heard of people with certain mental defects speak of some sort of difference in their way of choice. For me, I felt like my life wasn’t shit nor was I ever good enough; but, it wasn’t supposed to feel that way.

Other people’s lives always looked like they would come out better than me, even dealing with similar situations. They’d be struggling just like me and seem to have more or something of what I wanted for me and mines. Certainly, during these stages in my life, I didn’t understand it all. I was just floating. Never feeling the security of the ground beneath my feet. Always going extra hard to strive for the best. The best for me. The best apartments, clothes, jobs, kids, bank account. The best relationships. For ME. Somehow, it got turned into the best for others. In my mind that is. I tried to be the best forever other than me. The best mom. The best daughter. The best sibling. The best student. The best girlfriend. The best employee. You get the idea, rite? I enjoyed the ride. It became the normal, just a way of life. I wanted to do most of what I did; however, it wasn’t the best of me. It was what I thought was the best I could give. Whatever the fuck that means. Anyway, moving forward, I will share the difference. I am now living in the best version of me, a better me. I’m still learning because we will always learning something each day. Why? Or How? You may wonder, well, it’s because it’s a new day that we aren’t able to predict. I didn’t know how good it feels or better it feels being ME. For ME. I am taking the time to learn about me, reflecting on the me I used to be versus now. It’s crazy similar; however, just knowing it’s about me, feels incredible.  

I’ve written various pieces describing many different stages in my life and lessons I have learned. As I continue to share, it will become evident that what I thought my life would be and what I always worked toward turned out to be nothing as I imagined. Yet, it did. And, what I’ve learned in whole is life lied to me but God didn’t.

Have you realized life lessons are powerful? care to share any of your life lessons?

Next will be about some relationship shit I have learned. Now I got stories for days but I will keep it real and brief.

Blessings,

 KTM

Time!

Time makes things happen. When time is of its essence, the power then becomes yours. If time did not exist; neither did you.

Have you ever noticed that, if it weren’t for time spent doing something, whatever that is, it’s not until then that you know or not know.

I spent all my life running toward what I believed to be the good life. Success, riches, love…Really?

I spent all my life running away from darkness, pain, defeat. It wasn’t until my moments of stillness, that I became enriched with the knowing and that of the not knowing for which I was running.

Time revealed I was running. He granted me time. To gain an understanding of my existence, belonging to be mine. Time is the gift and that of what I’ve become. By which time is the reward. Including the effort, the running, all that was hard. The reward to myself, the reward to those around me, the reward reverted back to him, that of ME.

Thank you is all I can give; at least I thought. I thought wrong. How is that possible? Because without the understanding of time, it’s difficult to understand anything else.

Share Day again!

Do Not Despair Courage, bravery, boldness are substances impregnating your dense dark blood. You don’t learn them. You don’t earn them. Perseverance and patience, are learnt through pain and wounds. Fight is not about running with a sword on your… Continue Reading → The post Do not despair | Finding Inner Courage and Boldness appeared…

via Do not despair | Finding Inner Courage and Boldness —