Tag Archives: survival

Karma

Hello beautiful people! I came across this vid while insomnia led me to Facebook. Thought it was a good fit to post here. Let me know what you guys think.

12 Laws of KARMA

Thanks for stopping by and stay tuned for another Life Lesson posting.

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My Life with Neuropathy

Hey guys, I know it has been forever since my last post but I promise it was all worth it. I needed to take some time to focus in on ME. I was feeling a little misguided and it caused me to panic. I have a high level of anxiety that I am working out now.

Anyhow, I decided to share what my life has been like living with Peripheral Neuropathy and how my dreams are really coming true. Seriously!

Here is:

Finding My Purpose

Yesterday, I remember wanting to seek out a reason why I was so hesitant to video stream a message of hope. Today, I’ve learned that I am still a work in progress and until I build that confidence, I can still share with you.

As I am in self-reflection mode, getting to know the real me; I think I love myself. I love ME! This may sound silly but I don’t recall a single time I may have felt that way about myself. Maybe some of you know just what I’m talking about. I used to did shit for people all the time. I simply did it just because. I helped anyone in any way I could because it took the focus off of myself. I really loved helping and although help was available to me as well; I couldn’t see it.

Life is not about what you want it to be; it’s about what you make it to be.

I decided to share my story because I hope to help someone who may need to hear it. Someone who needs to know that they are truly not alone. There are all types of support available if you just open your heart and your mind to it. Simple right? Hell no, it wasn’t; my life has been brutal. There were challenges I never would have wished on anyone. So I am here today to share with you how I found my purpose.

Here and you can comment or ask questions, offer suggestions or share an experience you would like to hear a different point of view from me. Someone who has been there and done that with a lot of different topics. (Not ALL topics but MANY)

I started a support group but we more than just an offering of support; it is a place where we share a terrible commonality and we share our experiences living in chronic pain provide different perspectives of a subject. My goal was to create a virtual meeting place where we could discuss ourselves and it then becomes a positive distraction. It allows us to vent and listen to others. In fact, most of the time during our one hour meets, we aren’t focused on our pain. Very importantly, we respect our individual views and interpretations.

It feels great to be meeting so many beautiful people who just need a little extra support.

So here’s a question. We love others right? Some unconditionally, but how many of us actually love ourselves. How many of you ever took the time to get to know yourselves as an adult. I think its safe to say that your not the same at age 27 that you were when you were 13. Most anyways. 🙂 It’s a fascinating experience when you take some time to reflect on your likes and dislikes, your morale, your beliefs. As we go through life we learn new things damn near everyday. We grow.

I can’t wait to share the process of finding my purpose. This will include my experiences with Chronic Pain/Illness (includes depression), my 20+ jobs, love & relationships, family, self-image and much more. So if you are in a place in life that you are not satisfied with, I will share how I completely turned my life into what I wanted it to be. Join me next time as I share some serious lessons learned and how they relate to who I am today.

Blessings to you all!  Remember to keep loving yourselves.

Plea for your help!

Hey guys, I have been contemplating on starting a GoFundMe in order to assist in the purchase of a motorized wheelchair. Today I am sharing the link. Yes, I have decided to take the leap of faith and ASK for help. If you can help share the link I would be grateful. Any donations made are greatly appreciated!

Thank you in advance and stay tuned for more written pieces from me. Blessings to you all 😊

Click here to DONATE

Changing My Song

Hey guys, today I decided to try something a little different. Is there anyone else out there sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tired of singing the same old sad song? Seeking a better way to lighten the mental load of despair? Lord knows I fall under this category of questions. Well, let’s see if I can manage to sing a different tune.

Today I am thankful; thankful to recognize all the rights to some of my wrongs. Although I am still a work in progress, I have come a long way. I am thankful for that. As we are closing out the year 2016, I would like to highlight a few things that will hopefully make my 2017 a bit more tolerable.

My spirit of belief has grown tremendously. I had a hard time believing in myself, believing that I could do the impossibles that existed in my world of reality. I’ve learned this year that the world I created to be my reality had been isolated from the world of others I share the universe with. I had to learn that there was so much more to look to than what I had became accustomed to knowing. A world of dreams, goals and aspirations. I now realize how I have been so selfish to my potential self by not believing there was a world bigger than my own.

My mental health still suffers from my own ignorance. I chose to think I had the mental capacity to guide my footsteps in life. The thought that I can ignore medication therapy and all will be well. The thought that I could ignore the need of psychotherapy and all will be well. The thought that if I can just accept the fact that I share my being with a diagnosis of BiPolar Depression, all would be well. Bullshit rite? It takes more than just my thoughts of or acceptance of for all to be well; for me to be well. I am thankful that despite my moments of weakness, I haven’t attempted to take my own life. 

My physical abilities have declined significantly during this past year. I am now convinced that the use of a wheelchair is in my best interest. My doctors have previous certified me wheelchair approved but it took a while for that to digest. I continued to struggle to walk and have had a few falls along the way. I am now in acceptance to using a wheelchair to get around. I have installed a shower transfer bench to ensure I not fall in the shower anymore. Major safety issue. One of those thankfuls I’d like to express. I am thankful that despite my own ignorant negligence, I have escaped major injury from numerous shower falls. 

This neuropathy thing is probably the most disturbing circumstance of all. It was one thing to get used to the fucked up feeling of a continuing numbness and painful ordeal taking place in my lower legs and feet but now my hands are suffering as well. I no longer have feeling in my fingertips and my fingers themselves feel as if they are jammed in a door sometimes. Pain in my hands and fingers are now included on my long list of all that’s wrong in my life. But as I mentioned earlier this post will not focus on the wrongs but clearly I had to lay some of them out just to get the point across. Surely enough to emphasize how I am thankful to it all. 

My personal life, well let’s just say it gets a little lonely being alone. I know it was my own choice to not date and block out any thoughts of intimacy but gee whiz. I must admit my past relationships have been quite interesting and when I reflect back after having adjusted my perception, boy o boy, what was I thinking? How did my mates last as long as they did? I was a piece of work, yup, a load to deal with. We had our great moments sure but uh, yea, I guess I don’t blame them for not fighting me on separating. I have learned to live this thing alone, on my own with the help of getting through it from family especially my daughter. She has been exceptionally supportive and will always remain my biggest motivator. I am thankful to have such a wonderful daughter.

Without turning this into a short story. Funny, coming from a person who these days are becoming known as an author; which brings me to the publishing of my 1st book titled, The Triumph In Me, during this year. Still in awe about that whole situation, I must mention it. I am again still learning to accept that God had placed certain gifts in me as he did for all of us. I didn’t believe in myself enough to know that I was inclusive in such blessings. But yes, I am blessed and oh so thankful for being made aware of my gifts, one which happens to be that of writing. It may even be considered quite remarkable how such an individual going through all these mental and physical changes managed to push out a BOOK. Maybe to some it may not be so remarkable but here’s the gist to that, the whole point of it all. You ready? Well it really doesn’t MATTER what others think of or view of the idea; as long as I know what I’ve been through, still going through and what it took to accomplish such a deed. An effort to find my purpose and pursue it. A lesson I learned while writing; I do have a purpose in my life and lives of others. I am a survivor, who chooses to share personal experiences in an effort to help others like me realize their potential. I am thankful for finally believing in ME.

That’s all for now! Stay tuned for my next post where I’m thinking of pointing out some of the contradictions in life I’ve noticed thus far on my journey to self-discovery.

As always thank you for visiting me and if you have something to say; please comment below.

I appreciate your time.

 

 

 

Holding On!

Hey guys, today is one of those days. It is a day but not too good as far as my mood goes. I had a pretty decent day yesterday. I had my very 1st blog radio https://percolate.blogtalkradio.com/OffsitePlayer?hostId=980495&episodeId=9523211” target=”_blank”>Interview. It was awesome although I was nervous as hell. Tomorrow, Saturday will be my 2nd book signing event and sure I’m excited about that but today, I don’t know it’s just not a good day.  So I just wanna share some random writing if you don’t mind.

My hands are in pain. My fingertips are numbing. It could be the neuropathy but oh well shit hurts like hell. I try to think positive thoughts but of course it’s still a struggle. Working so hard to be working so hard is literally killing me. Why? could it be because the power that be insist? Maybe. Did I mention my hands are in pain. Could it be that the rope aka life has me dangling mid air. I weigh in at about 180lbs. Imagine holding that rope so tight that you can no longer feel it. But then again it could be the neuropathy. I ask myself all the time, “Do you know what you’re doing?” My answer is always the same, “No!”  I do know that I work so hard to work so hard. Even though the magnetic force has left my ten fingers, I mustn’t let go. Why? could it be because the powers that be insist? Maybe.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a complaint. Oh no that wouldn’t be wise of me to do that. I am in no position to complain. I have far too many things to be grateful for, so many things to be thankful for. Why? could it be because the powers that be insist? Maybe.

Did I mention my hands are in pain. They are confused. Am I still mid air or have I slipped toward the lower? I ask myself all the time, “Do you know what you’re doing?” My answer remains the same. “No!” I do know I’m fighting. I’m fighting to hold on. Even though my hands are in pain. Even though I could be slipping. I’m still holding on. Why? It is because the powers that be insist.

 

Just wanna be

Ever have that moment where you just wanna be something other than

Other than what is. Other than what isn’t. You just wanna be!

I often had moments where I knew I wanted to be something but couldn’t put my finger on what.

Even now in this very moment I know I just wanna be

I just wanna breathe and not feel like I’m drowning

I just wanna see and not be so blinded

I just wanna be loved and not feel so alone

I just wanna be free and not feel so held captive

I just wanna rise and not feel so weighed down

I just wanna live and not feel so dead

I JUST WANNA BE

anything? NO! Other than what is. Other than what isn’t.

I JUST WANNA BE

Dreaming?

        “The Triumph In Me”

Never knew it was there but it was all along

My dream come true is being led by my biggest nightmare

 

 

Disabled and still dreaming? Just because I’m disabled
doesn’t make my dreams any less attainable… Striving for success while facing
challenges of becoming disabled… I wasn’t born this way and I won’t die this
way… Defeating my disability…

Cheers to a new beginning! A new life I chose to claim after
surviving 4 brain surgeries within a 5-year span. I am a single African American woman, mother of one daughter, now age 21-years old. My name is Kashinda and I raised my daughter as a single
parent while also suffering from mental illness (Depression). My life has been
filled with one challenge after another and presently I must deal with a
physically limited lifestyle due to a chronic case of Peripheral Neuropathy,
which makes tackling the simplest task difficult to complete.

The pain from nerve damage is horrible but I am learning to adapt.

I am very grateful just to be alive.

I have been blessed enough to realize I needed to make a
choice, to live the best I can with what I have or wither away in sorrow. I
chose to live. I actually decided to share this story with the world by authoring
my first book entitled “The Triumph In Me”, which is set to re-launch soon.
Writing a book was not something I sat out to do but as I got to know
myself again, there was something in my heart that felt like there can never be
too many stories shared. It is my hopes to inspire and motivate anyone who can
relate to similar or not so similar issues. For them to grab hold to a handful
of faith and choose to live their lives as well. Often we get so overwhelmed by
all the negativity, we lose sight of any hope for the positive things that can
arise from our unfortunate situations. I have basically lived in silence with
my illnesses aside from a handful of people.
It is now I choose to own my life as it is.

Will you join me in sharing
my truth?  Use the hashtag #Tharisse and share to your social media.

Much thanks and appreciation!

Let’s Connect!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Join me as I open my blog up for chat…If you have blogs that have become a therapeutic way to release your inner thoughts, feelings and personal opinions, lets connect!

I will be posting daily questions in hopes to opening a discussion about how we are dealing with our daily struggles, regardless of what they may be.  Feel free to comment, share the posts or even add questions of your own that you would like to open up for discussion.

**IN NO WAY IS THIS INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE MEDICAL CARE OR TREATMENT**

What is the first thing you do upon waking in efforts to get through your day?

I pray for strength and express my thanks/gratitude for the opportunity to make today better than yesterday.  Sometimes it works out that way and sometimes it doesn’t. I have noticed that some of my days aren’t better than my yesterdays however I continuously fight for the better ones.

Darkness

If you haven’t already been introduced to Tharisse ,get acquainted with her by clicking the link:  amazon.com/Triumph-Within-Tharisse-Kashinda-Marche-ebook/dp/B01GDSIJRS/

Coming Soon!! as Tharisse continues her truth.
Here I share with you one of her diary entries to be included in the next phase of her journey.

My Darkest Hours

Thinking back on some of the darkest hours in my life brings me to a place buried so deep. It is amazing how far I’ve come but will never be completely rid of these memories.

Sitting in the house sipping on some E & J VSOP and listening to my old school club music, Caught Up In A One Night Love Affair by Inner Life comes on and reminds me of being disappointed yet again by life…All it took was the thought of how much I have already endured and the unknown of what may still lie ahead for me that placed me in the darkness. I had some over the counter pain relievers and felt the need to try another escape, another cowardly run for it. I mixed the pills with the booz, stretched out on the bed and waited. Young Destiny was in school during this time and I was home. A medical leave from my job left me to my negative thoughts. In a relationship but still felt so alone. The dark found me again in a moment of weakness. I figured by the time Destiny was due to come home, my body would have already been picked up by the coroner. What was I thinking? How could I do that to my daughter, just leave her like that? Well during those dark times, I felt like Destiny would either be better off without me or I would just take her with me. Thinking about it now I’m like “What the fuck!” I was in pretty bad shape during my darkest moments but at the end of the day, somehow, someway there was always a saving grace with me along the way and so here I am.

To share these experiences can hopefully find a soul out there who needs to know that they are not the only one who becomes victim to dark moments and that they too can survive them even though it may not seem so.